If performance were enough, more women in tech would already be promoted.

They’re not.

And the gap isn’t confidence, capability, or ambition — it’s executive presence.

Today, I want to talk about what executive presence for women in tech actually means, why so many high-performing women are trying to solve the wrong problem, and what genuinely makes a difference when you’re operating at senior levels.

Because if you’ve ever been told you need more executive presence — and felt frustrated, confused, or quietly deflated by that feedback — this episode is for you.

Why Executive Presence for Women in Tech Is So Often Misunderstood

Let’s start by naming what usually happens when women in tech hear the words “executive presence.”

It’s rarely delivered with clarity.

Instead, it sounds like:

• “You’re doing great, but…”
• “We just need to see you operate at the next level”
• “You might want to work on your presence”

And what’s missing is anything actionable.

So most women do what high performers always do — they try to fix themselves.

They assume executive presence means:

• being more confident
• speaking more in meetings
• sounding more certain
• polishing how they show up

And while none of those things are bad, they’re also not the thing that gets you promoted.

But the worst one,is thinking executive presence means being more like the men in the room. 

This is where executive presence becomes dangerous — not because it’s important, but because it’s poorly defined.

And crucially what works for men, doesn’t work for women. What is seen as confident in men backfires for us as women. Their ‘authentic behaviour’ feels inauthentic in us and it’s noticed! 

Here’s the reframe I want you to hold as we go through this episode:

Executive presence is not about who you are.

It’s about how senior leaders experience you.

And those are two very different things.

Why Performance Alone Doesn’t Create Executive Presence

This is the part that’s uncomfortable — but incredibly freeing once you see it clearly.

At senior levels, performance is assumed.

Your results matter. Your competence matters. Your work ethic matters.

But they’re no longer what differentiates you.

What senior leaders are actually evaluating is:

• how you frame problems
• how you make decisions
• how you handle ambiguity
• how you prioritise
• how you influence outcomes
• And most important of all, how you communicate this and the presence you have while you communicate it.

In other words, they’re assessing leadership presence, not output.

This is where many women in tech get stuck.

They’re delivering.

They’re reliable.

They’re carrying a huge amount of responsibility.

But they’re doing it in a way that keeps them in execution mode, rather than positioning them as someone who can be trusted with bigger, messier, more strategic decisions.

And because women are more likely to:

• stay heads-down
• over-deliver quietly
• wait to be asked
• let the work speak for itself

They often become indispensable — but not visible.

Here’s the critical distinction:

At senior levels, leaders aren’t asking

“Can she do the work?”

They’re asking

“Would I trust her judgment when the stakes are higher and the information is incomplete?”

That’s executive presence.

And when women get overlooked for promotion, it’s rarely because they aren’t capable.

It’s because their strategic presence at senior level isn’t being clearly signalled — even when the substance is there.

And no that doesn’t mean forcing your opinion like some of your male colleagues do. It means sharing your insights, which yes can be uncomfortable, but in a way that is all you. Authentically you. Trustworthy you. The you that feels confident that you know the right answer and you assert that. 

If this is landing uncomfortably, I want you to hear this next part clearly:

This isn’t a personal failure.

And it’s not something you fix by trying harder.

It’s a shift in how leadership is evaluated — and once you understand that shift, you can start working with it rather than against it.

What Executive Presence Really Means at Senior Levels

So if executive presence isn’t about confidence theatre, polish, or personality — what is it?

At senior levels, executive presence is a pattern of signals.

Signals that tell other leaders:

• how you think
• how you decide
• what you prioritise
• how you handle change
• how you handle discomfort
• what you bring to the table
• and how you handle uncertainty

This is why two people can have similar results, similar experience, even similar titles — and yet one is seen as “executive material” and the other isn’t.

Executive presence shows up in things like:

How you frame your work.

Not just what you’re doing, but why it matters and what it enables. You actually don’t need to talk about the how very much, and definitely not the what. But about what it will provide the company. 

It shows up in how you own decisions.

Not presenting options endlessly, but making a recommendation and standing behind it. You’re only asking for final sign off, with backup information if they ask for more detail. You aren’t presenting a list of options with a final ‘and this is the one I want’. Your saying ‘this is what we should do because . . . ‘. You don’t bring your working, how you came to that decision to the table. You just bring your recommendation. 

How you separate signal from noise.

What you elevate, what you deprioritise, and what you don’t get pulled into. Too many new and aspiring executives spend time on the wrong things. You won’t last long and you certainly won’t get promoted if you do this. But no one is telling you WHAT you should be spending your time on. In fact what you spend your time on is often the desires of other people, unless you learn how to separate the signal from the noise and focus on what really moves the needle.

How you manage energy and boundaries.

Senior leaders aren’t evaluated on responsiveness — they’re evaluated on judgment. You don’t (in fact you shouldn’t) be working 24/7 – the leaders who do that are still stuck in do-it-all mode and burn all the candles at all the ends! When you separate the signal from the noise, focus on what matters, and manage your energy and boundaries you will make a huge difference, because you’ll show up making the best decisions instead of the decisions made from desperation and exhaustion. 

And how you advocate for impact.

Not self-promotion, but making sure the right people understand the outcomes you’re driving.

This is why I’m so intentional about saying executive presence for women in tech is a skill set, not a personality trait.

You don’t need to become louder.

You don’t need to become more “corporate.”

You don’t need to become someone else.

You need to understand how leadership presence is interpreted at senior levels — and then design for that.

Because executive presence isn’t built in moments of confidence.

It’s built in moments of choice.

Why Executive Presence Is Harder for Women in Tech

Now, we need to talk about why this feels particularly hard — and often deeply unfair — for women in tech leadership.

Because if executive presence were purely objective, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

Women operate inside a set of double binds.

Be decisive — but not abrasive.

Be confident — but not arrogant.

Be visible — but not self-promotional.

Be collaborative — but still “own the room.”

And these tensions don’t disappear as you get more senior.

If anything, they become more pronounced.

This is one of the reasons women often confuse confidence with executive presence.

They’re told to “speak up more,” “be bolder,” “own the room” — without any acknowledgement of the risk that comes with being misinterpreted.

So many women respond by:

• over-preparing
• over-explaining
• softening language
• or staying just cautious enough to avoid backlash

Which makes sense.

But here’s the critical distinction:

Most executive presence gaps are not capability gaps.

They’re interpretation gaps.

And the flip side I see is women mimicking the men in the room, which also backfires. Or we get sufficiently pissed off (which by the way I really get) because of the double standards that we stop caring. Either way, this all backfires. 

Women in tech leadership are often doing the right things — but in ways that aren’t being read at the level they’re operating.

And when feedback stays vague, it’s easy to internalise it as:

“There’s something wrong with me.”

Or 

“It’s all just bias”

Let’s start with ‘there’s something wrong with me’. There isn’t.

What’s usually missing is translation — between how you lead and how senior decision-makers interpret leadership presence.

And the ‘it’s all just bias’. This is where it gets tricky. There is absolutely bias. But not the bias you’re thinking. Yes there is gender bias. There is ageism. But it’s not playing out the way you think it is. The gender bias is about you being seen as too aggressive or not assertive enough. It isn’t just shutting you down because your a woman. Occasionally it is, but more often than not it is unconscious bias. Same with the ageism. The unconscious bias says ‘they’re out of touch’ – as long as you address that you will bring something extraordinary to the table. Why do I say this? Because I’ve seen it over and over and over again. We fix how you’re showing up and the bias goes away. I wish we didn’t have to, but it does. 

Here’s the other piece of bias that’s going on – men are quietly taken to one side and given a pep talk about this in their careers. Not once, but over and over and over again. Women – well we’re far less likely to get this informal mentoring. We’re more likely to be ‘over mentored’ with unhelpful advice about what we wear, our career paths and all the boxes you should be ticking or why your resume isn’t hitting the mark. 

Once you see all of this – the need for you to be interpreted in the right way, everything changes.

Because the goal stops being:

“Fix yourself.”

And becomes:

“Design how your leadership is experienced.”

That’s the turning point.

How to Build Executive Presence Without Changing Who You Are

Now let’s talk about how to build your executive presence without changing you. 

You do not build executive presence by becoming someone else.

You build it by changing how your leadership is framed, interpreted, and experienced.

So let me offer a few practical shifts you can start making — not as a checklist, but as a different way of thinking.

First: move from reporting to framing.

Instead of leading with what you’ve done, start with:

• what decision is needed, not how you got to this point
• what trade-off exists, not the millions of other trade offs that you’ve already worked through
• what matters most right now, not to you, not to your team, but what matters most to the business. 

Senior leaders don’t need all the detail first.

They need orientation.

Second: practise decision ownership.

Executive presence in tech leadership often shows up when you’re willing to say:

“Based on what we know, this is the direction I recommend.”

Not because you’re certain — but because you’re accountable.

Third: be deliberate about what you elevate.

If everything is urgent, nothing is strategic.

Presence is built as much through what you don’t amplify as what you do.

Fourth: pay attention to energy and boundaries.

This is a big one for the overextended operators listening.

Being constantly available can actually dilute leadership presence.

Senior roles are about judgement, not responsiveness.

And finally: rethink self-advocacy.

Executive presence isn’t about self-promotion.

It’s about ensuring your impact is visible at the right altitude.

You’re not saying, “Look at me.”

You’re saying, “Here’s what this enables.”

This is how executive presence skills get built — quietly, intentionally, and over time.

And once you stop trying to perform confidence and start designing experience, things shift.

Building Executive Presence at Senior Levels: What to Do Next

Here’s something I want to say clearly, especially to the high performers listening.

If executive presence feels vague or hard to pin down, that’s not because you’re missing something obvious.

It’s because this stuff is rarely taught.

Most women leaders only get feedback at the point where it’s already holding them back — and even then, it’s often too abstract to act on.

This is also why trying to fix executive presence alone can be frustrating.

You’re inside your own patterns.

You’re responding to a system you didn’t design.

And you’re often receiving feedback from people who feel something isn’t quite landing — but can’t articulate why.

That’s where support becomes useful.

Not because you need fixing — but because having a skilled external perspective helps you see:

• how your leadership is being read
• where your strengths are being under-signalled
• and what small shifts will have disproportionate impact

This is exactly the work I do with women in tech who are already capable — but not being seen at the level they’re operating at.

If this episode has resonated, and you want support building executive presence in a way that actually works in your organisation, you can book a free strategy call with me at:

tonicollis.com/lets-chat

And whether or not you do that, I want to leave you with this:

Executive presence isn’t a mystery.

It isn’t reserved for a certain type of personality.

And it definitely isn’t about becoming someone you’re not.

It’s a skill set.

And like any skill, it can be built.

Key Takeaways on Executive Presence for Women in Tech

• Executive presence is about experience, not personality
• Performance is assumed at senior levels — judgement is evaluated
• Most gaps are interpretation gaps, not capability gaps
• Presence is built through framing, decisions, and boundaries