When was the last time you rewrote an email six times before hitting send?
Or spiraled through a decision long after it needed to be made?
If you’ve ever been told “you’re overthinking it,” you’re not alone — and you’re not failing.
https://youtu.be/0p4GDUItmKo
Listen Here:
Subscribe & Never Miss an Episode
SHOW NOTES:
Overthinking at work is often the result of high pressure, perfectionism, and internalized leadership expectations — especially for high-achieving women in male-dominated spaces.
But here’s the truth: overthinking isn’t helping you get promoted. It’s quietly chipping away at your executive presence and leadership impact.
In this episode, I’ll walk you through:
✅ How to spot overthinking in real time (vs. strategic thinking)
✅ Why smart women overthink — and how to shift that pattern
✅ The 1-1-1 decision tool to stop spiraling and act with clarity
✅ Executive mindset techniques to build trust in your own decisions
✅ Real stories from my clients who shifted from “perfection mode” to promotion
This is your leadership reset — a tactical, mindset-rich episode to help you step into Q4 with calm, confident clarity.
If you’re ready to build a reputation for decisive, strategic leadership — let’s dive in.
If this episode helped you shift your thinking, I’d love to hear from you. Drop a comment, leave a review, or connect on LinkedIn @ToniCollis.
Primary Takeaways:
– Overthinking is not a leadership trait — clarity is.
– Learn how to reclaim your time and lead with confidence, even in high-stakes moments.
– These tools will help you build sustainable leadership strategies and finally get out of your own way.
Looking to step into
executive leadership without overthinking?
Book a free strategy call with Toni
Yes, I want a call
Facebook
LinkedIn
TRANSCRIPT
Speaker 1 0:00
You’ve been told you’re overthinking it, but what they don’t see is that you feel the pressure to get it right. Here’s the truth, you’re not overthinking, you’re over functioning, and that constant just one more thought loop, it’s it’s killing your clarity and your confidence. What’s worse, that feedback you’re getting. It’s not just about taking too long to decide it’s about your executive presence in today’s episode, we’re unpacking what overthinking really looks like in a leadership context where it’s actually showing up. It’s not just in your inbox. And the critical difference between strategic reflection and mental spirals, if you’re ready to stop second guessing, show up more powerfully and lead with calm, confident clarity. This one’s for you. So let’s dive in. Welcome to the leading women in tech podcast, the show that celebrates women in technology leadership. I’m your host, Tony Collis, and this podcast is the result of my passion for building better tech by diversifying the leadership of the technology sector. Join me on this journey as I discuss all things leadership, what it takes to be innovative, breaking through the glass ceiling be a great leader, and how to navigate the unique experiences we face as women in tech. So sit back, grab your headphones and get ready to be inspired to become a better leader. If you’ve ever been told you’re overthinking it, you know how unhelpful that can feel. It’s often said dismissively, like it’s a personal flaw or a sign that you’re just not decisive enough to lead. But here’s the thing, sometimes it is overthinking and sometimes it isn’t. It’s discernment, it’s your high standards. It’s you taking the time to do something well, later in this episode, I’m going to help you figure out the difference, because knowing when you’re truly overthinking versus when you’re simply operating in a high stake zone of learning or excellence, that’s a leadership mindset shift worth making. And if you’ve ever spiraled through a decision, rewritten an email six times, or stayed up half a night analyzing the tone of a Slack message, you’re not alone. That frustration, that deep feeling of this matters. I can’t just let it go. It’s real. And what’s worse is being told to just move on. When in your gut, you know, this deserves more thought. We’ll talk about that later, about how to tell the difference when you’re actually in your zone of genius and doing important strategic thinking, and when you’ve tipped into mental spiraling that’s draining your executive presence. Because here’s the truth, chronic overthinking takes a toll. It burns up your mental energy. It erodes your confidence. It feeds your imposter syndrome, and left unchecked, it contributes to leadership burnout. But it doesn’t have to be that way. In today’s episode of leading women in tech, I’m going to share the executive mindset tools that will help you recognize when overthinking is costing you clarity and how to shift into that calm, intentional leadership thinking instead, if you’re ready to start second guessing and start thinking like a VP or an executive, let’s get into it. Let’s start by unpacking what overthinking actually is, because too often it gets conflated with being thoughtful, being strategic or doing your due diligence, and they’re not the same thing. Strategic Thinking is intentional. It’s time bound. It’s grounded in data, guided by insight and followed by decision. It’s when you say, I need an hour to think this through, and then I’ll move forward. Overthinking, on the other hand, is mental spiraling. It’s perfectionism dressed up as preparation. It’s procrastination wearing a power blazer. It’s when you spend four hours trying to write one email and you’re not getting better results. You’re just getting stuck. Let me be clear, overthinking is not a sign that you’re incompetent. It’s usually a response to high stakes, unclear expectations, or an internalized pressure to get it right. But here’s the catch, when overthinking becomes a habit, it starts to chip away at your executive presence. You look hesitant, you look like you lack confidence, and even when your intent is to be precise or considerate, what lands is indecision. Let me tell you about a client. Let’s call her Rena. Rena was in a senior product role at a growth stage SaaS company, smart, strategic, deeply empathetic with her team. But every time she gave feedback, she’d walk away thinking, do I sound too harsh? Should I have added more context? What if they take it the wrong way? She’d message her coach with me afterwards, asking, should I follow up and soften it, or do you think that landed wrong? Here’s what started to happen. She got slower, not because she liked the answers, but because she was spending so much energy rethinking every moment of communication. Over time, her executive peers started commenting that she was. Being decisive enough, her boss told her you need to trust yourself more. That’s how overthinking left unchecked becomes a credibility problem. Now, sometimes you’ll get feedback like you’re overthinking this, or just make the call, and it’s worth pausing when you hear that, but not always taking it at face value, because sometimes the person telling you you’re overthinking, they’re working in their zone of genius and you’re not. They’ve done this before 100 times. They’re confident and fast because they should be. It doesn’t mean you’re wrong to want more time or data. And other times, they’re not aware of all the variables you’re holding. They’re missing nuance. They might be glossing over risks or context that you are seeing, and that matters. So how do you tell the difference if you know more than the person telling you to stop overthinking, trust that you actually might be thinking appropriately. But if you’re looping on the same thought for days, rewriting documents without improving them, or venting repeatedly about the same problem without making a decision. That’s not clarity, that’s cognitive overload. Let’s take a few examples. You give feedback in a one on one, but spend the next two days questioning your tone. You write a status update five times because you want it to sound smart. You delay challenging your peers idea in a leadership meeting, because you’re rehearsing every possible response they might throw back at you. All of these signs are signs of over functioning, and all of them can quietly undermine how others experience your leadership. This is why executive mindset tools matter, not just to help you make better decisions, but to get your time and energy back, let’s talk about why smart, capable women, just like you, find themselves stuck in overthinking spirals, even when they know better, because we all do know better, right? This isn’t a personality flaw, it’s a leadership context issue. Overthinking shows up most often in women who are navigating workplaces when they’re the only, the only woman on their leadership team, the only woman of color in engineering, the only one pushing for inclusion, the only one pushing for strategic decision making, or the only one bringing professionalism or long term thinking, while others prioritize quick wins, because when you’re the only every decision can feel like it’s under a microscope. Every misstep feels like it reinforces the bias someone else already holds. Every mistake feels like it could cost you more than it could cost someone else. This leads to internalized messages like, I can’t afford to mess this up, I have to be perfect or I won’t be taken seriously. If I’m not 100% confident, I should hold back. These are the unspoken mindset traps that drive overthinking at work and over functioning every day. You work harder, you think longer, you rehearse more, not because you don’t know what to do, but because the stakes feel impossibly high. I want to tell you about another client, and we’ll call her Deepa. Deepa was leading platform engineering at a fortune 500 company. She was the only woman of color in her department at the director level, smart, respected and honestly exhausted. She came to me not because she wasn’t performing, but because she couldn’t sleep every night, she’d spiral over how her tone came across in a design review, whether she’d asked the right questions, whether that vP was thinking she didn’t get the business context well enough. She was spending hours each week in her own head, not producing more impact, just eroding her own confidence. When we worked together, we unpacked three core triggers that were driving her overthinking. Do these resonate with you? The first trigger a lack of clear decision ownership when you’re not sure if the final call is yours or if someone else will override you, it’s natural to loop, especially in matrix organizations or cross functional leadership.
Speaker 1 9:00
Ambiguity creates over analysis. You need a tool to spot when you’re spiraling because the structure is unclear, not because you are her second trigger was a fear of judgment and high visibility moments deeper dreaded leadership team meetings, not because she wasn’t capable, but because she was constantly wondering, is this the moment they’ll realize I don’t belong. Hello, imposter syndrome. This is a classic in high stakes rooms when we’ve got imposter syndrome, and it breeds over preparation and second guessing and deepest third trigger was all centered around her emotional overload and low recovery time, if you’re always on mentality holding space for your team, your boss, your peers, never decompressing. Your brain never gets the reset it needs. That cognitive strain becomes fuel for overthinking, and if you’re already recovering from burnout and leadership, your nervous system is more vulnerable to the. Spirals. Here’s the truth. Overthinking often masquerades as excellent. It looks like care, it looks like diligence, it even looks like leadership. But if it’s you burning your hours and your energy without increasing your impact, it’s not serving you or your organization. This is where self coaching techniques for leaders become essential, not just to stop the spiral, but to understand where is it coming from and what mindset shift you might actually need, because clarity doesn’t come from thinking more, it comes from thinking better. Now we’re going to unpack these three triggers I mentioned in more depth, and I’ll show you how to spot them in real time so you can interrupt the spiral before it takes over your week. So let’s talk about overthinking. What it actually costs you, not just emotionally, but professionally. Because it’s easy to dismiss it as this is just how I operate, or to think it’s a minor quirk, part of your thoroughness, or even part of your success, but the truth is, overthinking has real cost for your time, your impact, your team and your leadership credibility. But first, let’s talk about the tangible costs. Lost hours, rewriting the same Slack message five times, rereading an email thread until midnight, trying to read between the lines, delaying feedback to your team because you’re unsure how it will land that time adds up, and it’s not deep work. It’s rumination. It’s stress decision. Delays are another major cost. Your team can’t move forward because they’re waiting on you. Your boss starts to asking for updates more often because they sense hesitation. Suddenly, instead of being seen as thoughtful and deliberate, you’re viewed as a bottleneck, and honestly, that’s exhausting, because now you’re not just trying to get the decision right, you’re trying to defend why it’s taking so long, and that takes even more mental load. The next cost is missed opportunities. When you’re stuck in analysis loops, you don’t speak up in the meeting, you don’t propose the bold idea you let someone else take the spotlight again, which means you’re not seen as a driver of innovation or momentum. You’re seen as someone who hesitates, someone who blends into the background. And over time, that leads to the biggest cost of all, eroded confidence, because when you second guess yourself enough times, it becomes a habit, you start to doubt your instincts. You outsource your decision making. You get stuck in validation, seeking loops, asking for endless input, rechecking your assumptions, delaying the call until you feel 100% safe. That’s the emotional toll burnout, because your brain never shuts off. Imposter syndrome, because every decision feels risky, anxiety, because you’re bracing for being wrong again. And here’s the part, no one talks about your organization is noticing. They have noticed. If this is resonating with you, somebody has noticed. Maybe it’s why you’ve been told to stop overthinking, because they see hesitation. Even if they never say the word overthinking, they feel it. They experience it. In how long you take to respond, in how many caveats you add to your recommendations, in how you show up in meetings with too much context and not enough clarity. And over time, the perception becomes she’s not decisive. She’s smart, but not quite ready for the next level. She needs to work on her executive presence. If that one sounds familiar, you need to work on your executive presence. This might be one of the reasons. It’s one of the most common signals of being in the state of feeling like you need to prove yourself you’re showing up with diligence, depth and caution, but not enough clarity, because here’s the reality, executive presence isn’t about being loud or forceful. It’s about decisiveness and depression. It’s about making the call even when it’s not perfect. It’s about knowing how to lead when the data is incomplete and the stakes are high. That’s what builds trust. That’s what gets you tapped for bigger opportunities, and if you’re constantly stuck in mental spirals, that presence doesn’t come through. Now the good news is this is entirely fixable. You can build a more sustainable leadership strategy that reduces mental load and restores your ability to make clear, confident decisions without overworking your brain or your calendar. So how do you actually know if you’re overthinking versus just being thorough or thoughtful? Because here’s the thing, the size of everything at work often look like good leadership. They can be disguised as care, precision or high standards, but there’s a tipping point, and once you cross it, you’re not just making smart decisions, you’re spiraling. So let’s get a little bit practical here. Here’s a quick self coaching diagnostic I use with clients, especially those working on building better decision making clarity and learning to trust their instincts. Ask yourself, number one, are you seeking too much input? If you’ve asked more than two people? For their opinion on something relatively low stakes, like how to phrase a sentence in an email, or whether to send a Slack now or tomorrow. That’s a sign, and by the way, it includes asking your coach that input is valuable, but when you keep asking around, it’s often not about feedback. It’s about fear. Number two, are you rewriting something more than twice, an email, a project summary, a piece of feedback. Are you stuck in perfection mode? You might tell yourself, I just want to make it better, but if you’re losing hours to polishing and not adding real value, you’ve crossed into overthinking territory. And number three, are you delaying a simple decision for fear of judgment, you already know what to do. You even write the draft, but you’re hesitating to send it because you’re imagining all of the possible reactions. You’re not seeking alignment. You’re avoiding discomfort. These three patterns are the most common triggers I see in women leaders who want to be seen as strategic, capable and thoughtful that end up burning up from the internal spirals. Once you can spot them, you can start to interrupt the pattern. Here’s a simple mindset tool I give my
Unknown Speaker 16:12
clients to help them get
Speaker 1 16:13
clarity fast. The 3x Rule is what I call this, if you’ve thought about it more than three times without gaining new insight or new data, you’re probably not being strategic. You’re ruminating. And the job now isn’t to keep thinking, it’s to make a decision. Ask yourself, what’s the cost of waiting? What’s the real risk here? What’s the smallest next step I can take to move this forward. This rule is so powerful because it gives you a boundary. It stops you from pretending the overthinking is helping when it’s actually slowing you down and diluting your executive presence. So the next time you find yourself cycling through the same thought loop and again and again, stop use the 3x Rule. Name it for what it is. It’s overthinking, and remind yourself, Leadership isn’t about always getting it perfect. It’s about knowing how to make decisions and course correct when needed. So now that you know when to spot overthinking and how it’s happening, let’s talk about how to stop it without losing your edge, your high standards, or your credibility as a thoughtful leader, because if you’ve been rewarded your whole career for being the one who catches the details, who thinks ahead, who gets it right, it can feel impossible to ease up without feeling like you’re dropping the ball. But that’s not what we’re doing here. We’re not removing your depth. We’re building your clarity. The truth is, high performing women, just like you don’t need to think less. We need better executive mindset tools for when to stop. Here’s where I start with clients to teach them the self coaching that works in almost every situation. Ask yourself, what would I do if I fully trusted myself right now? Say it out loud, write it in your notes app, whisper it in your head before you send the email or walk into that meeting, because usually you already know the answer. You’re just afraid to act on it. You’re not lacking strategy. You’re lacking self trust. When you bring this question into the moment, it cuts through the noise. So ask yourself, what would I do if I fully trusted myself? Right now? It moves you from rumination into decision, and the more often you practice it, the more confident you’ll become at trusting your own leadership judgment. Another powerful tool I love to use is the 111, decision filter, perfect for when your brain feels like it’s juggling 1000 what ifs, here’s how it works. You’ve got three questions. What’s one thing I know for sure? Start with, what solid, what data, fact or pattern do you already have clarity on what’s one thing I know for sure? Then question number two, what’s one question I can ask to move this forward, instead of looping on 10 hypotheticals, pinpoint the one piece of missing information that actually matters, and then question number three, what’s one action I can take in the next 24 hours? This one works because overthinking loves vagueness. It dies in the face of specificity. It’s a cliche I know, but true. A small concrete action breaks the cycle every time you don’t need to solve everything, you just need to move one step forward. So those are the three questions for the 111, decision filter, what’s one thing I know for sure? What’s one question I can ask to move this forward? What’s one action I can take in the next 24 hours? Here’s the truth. Executives don’t always know the answer, but they just know how to keep moving. They make The Next Best call they can with the information they have, and they course correct later. That’s not recklessness, that’s decision making clarity for leaders. So the next time you hear that little voice saying, What if this isn’t the right call? All remind yourself it might not be and that is okay, because I know I know how to handle it if it’s not true,
Speaker 1 20:08
that’s real leadership, confidence, belief in yourself, not knowing everything, but trusting yourself to navigate whatever comes. Let me show you a quick story. One of my clients, Isabelle, was leading a Data Platform team at a midsize SaaS company. Brilliant woman, dedicated constantly second guessing herself. There every major decision, hiring, resourcing, prioritization became this three week analysis process like full on analysis paralysis was going on here. Her team respects her. They were in this massive place of frustration. They couldn’t move fast enough because she was the bottleneck behind the scenes. Isabel was burning out trying to think her way to perfect clarity. So what we did, we built one habit, make the decision that’s 70 to 80% ready, if she had enough information to be 70 to 80% confident. She called it, and the results were remarkable. Her decision velocity doubled, her stress dropped. Her executive ahead of her said, You’re showing up like an executive now, confident, clear, decisive. Within six months, she was promoted because she stopped waiting for that 100% certainty, which honestly doesn’t exist, and she started leaning like someone who trusted her, in mind, that’s what I want for you too. There are sustainable leadership strategies that work. These are not hacks. They work. This is about reclaiming your time, your focus, your confidence, remembering that great leaders don’t overthink their way to impact. They act, they reflect, they adjust, and they keep leading forward. So if you’ve been stuck in a cycle, try the self coaching question. Use the 111, decision, filter and practice making that 70 to 80% ready decision. Straight away. You’re going to be amazed at how much clarity follows when you give yourself position to move forward. So let’s talk about what happens when you stop overthinking and start trusting your own executive thinking. Because at the heart of all of this, the spiraling, the perfectionism, the self doubt, is a missing ingredient, and it’s trust, not just trust from others, but trust in yourself when I coach women to step into their executive ranks, one of the biggest shifts we work on is moving from proving mode into conviction mode, because here’s the truth, the leaders who rise, the ones who get tapped for the big jobs, who are seen as future VPS or executives who are pulled into those high stakes conversations. They aren’t the ones with the most answers. They’re the ones who make decisions when there isn’t a perfect answer, the ones who hold space for complexity and still move forward, the ones who can say, this is my recommendation. Here’s why, and if new data comes in, we will adjust. That’s how to think like a VP. That’s strategic leadership. It’s not about getting everything right. It’s about being someone others trust to lead, especially when the path isn’t crystal clear. That level of trust, it isn’t built through everything. It’s built through pattern recognition. You’ve seen this kind of problem before. You know the questions to ask. You’ve learned what works and what doesn’t, but you have to let yourself use that knowledge. It’s built through consistency, not second guessing every decision, not rewriting the plan every time someone raises an eyebrow at you, but showing up again and again with clarity, grounded, calm, clarity, and it’s built through presence when you walk into the room, virtual or otherwise, are you communicating that you own your decisions, that you’ve done the thinking and now you’re moving that’s what people lean into. That’s what builds executive presence. I’ve seen this shift over and over, especially with quiet leaders, the ones who don’t want to dominate the room, who don’t want to play politics, who don’t want to lead and be recognized on a large scale for their impact. If that’s you, your power isn’t in over preparing or outthinking everyone else. The power is in your clarity, your thoughtfulness, your ability to pause and consider and then move forward with purpose. It’s not a weakness that moving forward with purpose is not overthinking. That’s the strength of a leader who trusts herself, who trusts her mind. So if you want to build that self trust, you have to practice using it. Make the decision, say the thing, stop the spiral, and remind yourself you do not need more time to be ready, and you will cross correct if you need to. You need more self trust, lead like the executive you already are. If you take one thing from today, it’s this overthinking. Isn’t a flaw, it’s not a failure. It’s a signal that you care deeply, that you’re under pressure, that you’re. Are trying to get it right in a world that doesn’t always make space for nuance or complexity but pressure, it doesn’t have to lead to paralysis. You don’t have to say, stuck in the cycle of rewriting, second guessing, or spiraling through decisions long after they should be made. So this week, I want you to try the 111, decision tool we talked about, what’s one thing you know for sure? What’s one question to ask to move this forward, and what’s one action you can take in the next 24 hours, you will be amazed at how this small mindset shift can unlock clarity and momentum, because trusted strategic leaders don’t second guess every step they lead forward. And if you’re ready to build that kind of calm, confident leadership, if you know overthinking is holding you back and you want to stop playing small and start stepping into executive power, I’d love to help head to Tony collis.com, forward slash, let’s Dash Chat to book a free strategy session with me. I’d love to talk to you about where you’re stuck, what’s really going on underneath the spiraling and how to build a lesion mindset that’s grounded, visible and ready for the next level. Because clarity isn’t something you earn by working harder, it’s something you choose with the right tools and support, and I’m here to walk that journey with you. You
Get the Latest Leadership Insights in Your Inbox
Need Help Implementing
These Ideas?
Loved this episode but want support applying it?
Explore our coaching programs designed for women leaders in tech.
