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How to Stop Overthinking at Work: Tools for Clear, Confident Leadership Decisions

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Ut elit tellus, luctus nec ullamcorper mattis, pulvinar dapibus.

Listen Here:

Subscribe & Never Miss an Episode

SHOW NOTES:

You’re not alone. This episode is going to be your go-to toolkit for navigating those high-pressure moments with more clarity and confidence.

In this episode, I unpack what pressure really does to high-achieving women — and more importantly, how to coach yourself through it in real time, even when your heart is racing and your voice feels like it’s vanished. If you’ve ever wanted to feel more grounded, more articulate, and more in control under fire, this one’s for you.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

  • Why freezing, rambling, or going silent is NOT a sign of incompetence
  • How to interrupt the “pressure spiral” before it derails your confidence
  • Micro self-coaching tools — no journaling required
  • Shifting from reactive to grounded leadership in high-stakes situations
  • How to apply my “Hold, Don’t Carry” method so you stop replaying every meeting in your head
  • Using the Say It Like a Leader script pack to pair inner clarity with outer confidence

 

FREE DOWNLOAD

Download the free companion guide:
Say It Like a Leader

Facebook
LinkedIn

TRANSCRIPT

 

  • You’re overperforming. You’ve picked up slack, led initiatives, worked late, and still no promotion.

    • You’re told you’re doing great, but it’s not the right time.

    • Or worse, you receive silence in return.

  • The missing ingredient isn’t your results, it’s a skill gap that impacts many high-performing women.

    • Performance does not equal promotion.

    • Many assume that delivering results alone will get them promoted, but this assumption holds them back.

  • In today’s episode:

    • Why being the best at your job isn’t enough.

    • What does get you seen as strategic and promotable.

    • Introduction of the Promotion Readiness Scorecard.


Sandra’s Story: The Performance vs. Perception Gap

  • Sandra was a marketing team leader at a global SaaS company.

    • She met every deadline, exceeded KPIs, and had her team’s trust.

  • Despite all this, she wasn’t getting promoted.

    • Her boss told her: “You’re excellent, but we need something more strategic.”

    • Sandra thought she was already being strategic by solving problems, managing up, and driving outcomes.

  • The truth was, her leadership potential wasn’t being perceived.

    • She lacked VP or SVP level presence.

    • Many women fall into this trap: doing more than peers but getting passed over.

  • Promotions aren’t based on effort alone.

    • They’re based on perceived readiness to influence and lead at the next level.

    • When you’re always in execution mode, people stop seeing you as strategic.

  • Perception matters.

    • Your performance must be framed, interpreted, and communicated strategically.


The Real Reason You’re Not Getting Promoted

  • Results matter, but not as much as you think.

    • Promotions are based more on perception than output.

    • Especially for women in tech, hustle can work against you.

  • Hustling shows you’re at the end of your bandwidth.

    • Executives want to see strategic potential and composure, not busyness.

  • Promotion requires leadership voice and the ability to influence beyond your role.

    • If you’re not intentionally showing these traits, you won’t be seen as ready.

  • Most people won’t give you actionable feedback.

    • You’ll hear vague responses like “you’re not quite ready.”

  • This disproportionately impacts:

    • Women, especially women of color.

    • Women in technical roles.


The 5 Key Executive-Level Skills

1. Strategic Communication

  • Speak like a leader, not just a reliable executor.

    • Avoid listing completed tasks.

    • Frame updates around business outcomes.

  • Instead of status updates:

    • Show early indicators of success (e.g. reduced churn).

    • Identify trends that impact deliverables and propose solutions.

    • Link backlogs or issues to shifts in customer needs.

  • Strategic communication is:

    • Forward-looking.

    • Insight-driven.

    • Focused on why things matter to the business.

  • Small language shift: Instead of “I completed X,” say “The impact of X is…”

    • Then suggest what to do next.

2. Executive Presence

  • Presence is about trust, not volume.

    • You don’t need to be loud; you need to project calm, clarity, and confidence.

  • In high-stakes meetings:

    • Speak clearly and concisely.

    • Don’t fill silence with nervous talking.

    • Pause, reflect, and respond with intention.

  • When disagreeing:

    • Do so calmly, without defensiveness.

    • Maintain the same demeanor with peers and the CEO.

  • Presence makes others feel grounded and led.

    • It signals you’re ready for complexity and uncertainty.

3. Influence Without Aggression

  • Influence matters more than authority at higher levels.

    • Your ability to build trust and move decisions forward is essential.

  • As a woman in tech:

    • You navigate a tightrope between assertiveness and approachability.

    • Many default to silence or become combative when ideas are challenged.

  • Influence means:

    • Asking bold questions, not making blunt statements.

    • Framing feedback as partnership.

    • Challenging with curiosity, not control.

  • Example language:

    • Instead of “This won’t work,” try “I’m going to offer a different angle…”

    • Instead of “I don’t agree,” say “What outcome are we optimizing for?”

  • Influence is about shaping direction through calm conviction.

4. Forward Thinking and Big Picture Mindset

  • Shift from task execution to strategic thinking.

    • Look ahead, around corners, and across functions.

  • Ask: If your company doubled, what would break first?

    • This helps you think like a strategist.

  • Connect your work to business growth.

    • Advocate for future opportunities and preempt risks.

  • Strategic thinking is learnable.

    • You must carve out time for thinking, not just doing.

    • Promote ideas beyond your department.

5. Self-Regulation Under Pressure

  • Emotional steadiness is critical for executive roles.

    • You must be calm in conflict, stress, and when receiving feedback.

  • If you react emotionally:

    • Others won’t trust you to lead change or handle crisis.

  • Self-regulation looks like:

    • Breathing and pausing before responding.

    • Staying grounded when tension rises.

  • Practice: Pause for three seconds before replying in a heated moment.

    • This simple action helps you regain composure.

  • When you regulate yourself well:

    • You become the leader people look to in hard moments.


Reflecting on the Five Skills

  • If you’re not getting promoted, ask:

    • Are you demonstrating strategic communication?

    • Do you project executive presence?

    • Are you influencing effectively without aggression?

    • Do you show a big picture mindset?

    • Can you self-regulate in pressure situations?

  • Signs you’re missing these signals:

    • Praised, but not invited to strategic conversations.

    • Seen as reliable but not as a visionary.

    • Speak up, but ideas don’t gain traction.

    • Told to be more strategic, but unsure how.

  • These don’t mean you’re failing.

    • They mean you’re playing the wrong game.

    • You need to shift from manager mentality to executive presence.


Take Action: Promotion Readiness Scorecard

  • Don’t guess why you’re not getting promoted.

  • Begin closing the gap today:

    • Speak in outcomes, not tasks.

    • Lead with insight.

    • Frame conversations strategically.

  • Build visibility and influence beyond your boss.

    • Engage with cross-functional teams and skip levels.

    • Be seen as a decision maker, not just a reliable executor.


Final Takeaway

  • You’re likely already over-delivering.

    • But promotion isn’t about doing more.

    • It’s about being seen differently.

  • Reflect:

    • Which of the five executive skills are you under-leveraging?

    • Where are you assuming your work speaks for itself?

    • What would change if you were seen as strategic?

  • Don’t wait to be tapped.

    • Start showing up as if you’re already on the executive team.

    • You’ve got this. You can shift how you’re seen.

  • Lead with purpose, presence, and power.

    • Your next promotion is about perception, not just performance.

Get the Latest Leadership Insights in Your Inbox

Need Help Implementing
These Ideas?

Loved this episode but want support applying it?

Explore our coaching programs designed for women leaders in tech.

Executive Coach Toni Collis

Lead with Confidence: Building Teams That Don’t Need You – with Sandy Motley

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Listen Here:

Subscribe & Never Miss an Episode

SHOW NOTES:

You’re not alone. This episode is going to be your go-to toolkit for navigating those high-pressure moments with more clarity and confidence.

In this episode, I unpack what pressure really does to high-achieving women — and more importantly, how to coach yourself through it in real time, even when your heart is racing and your voice feels like it’s vanished. If you’ve ever wanted to feel more grounded, more articulate, and more in control under fire, this one’s for you.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

  • Why freezing, rambling, or going silent is NOT a sign of incompetence
  • How to interrupt the “pressure spiral” before it derails your confidence
  • Micro self-coaching tools — no journaling required
  • Shifting from reactive to grounded leadership in high-stakes situations
  • How to apply my “Hold, Don’t Carry” method so you stop replaying every meeting in your head
  • Using the Say It Like a Leader script pack to pair inner clarity with outer confidence

 

FREE DOWNLOAD

Download the free companion guide:
Say It Like a Leader

Facebook
LinkedIn

TRANSCRIPT

 

  • You’re overperforming. You’ve picked up slack, led initiatives, worked late, and still no promotion.

    • You’re told you’re doing great, but it’s not the right time.

    • Or worse, you receive silence in return.

  • The missing ingredient isn’t your results, it’s a skill gap that impacts many high-performing women.

    • Performance does not equal promotion.

    • Many assume that delivering results alone will get them promoted, but this assumption holds them back.

  • In today’s episode:

    • Why being the best at your job isn’t enough.

    • What does get you seen as strategic and promotable.

    • Introduction of the Promotion Readiness Scorecard.


Sandra’s Story: The Performance vs. Perception Gap

  • Sandra was a marketing team leader at a global SaaS company.

    • She met every deadline, exceeded KPIs, and had her team’s trust.

  • Despite all this, she wasn’t getting promoted.

    • Her boss told her: “You’re excellent, but we need something more strategic.”

    • Sandra thought she was already being strategic by solving problems, managing up, and driving outcomes.

  • The truth was, her leadership potential wasn’t being perceived.

    • She lacked VP or SVP level presence.

    • Many women fall into this trap: doing more than peers but getting passed over.

  • Promotions aren’t based on effort alone.

    • They’re based on perceived readiness to influence and lead at the next level.

    • When you’re always in execution mode, people stop seeing you as strategic.

  • Perception matters.

    • Your performance must be framed, interpreted, and communicated strategically.


The Real Reason You’re Not Getting Promoted

  • Results matter, but not as much as you think.

    • Promotions are based more on perception than output.

    • Especially for women in tech, hustle can work against you.

  • Hustling shows you’re at the end of your bandwidth.

    • Executives want to see strategic potential and composure, not busyness.

  • Promotion requires leadership voice and the ability to influence beyond your role.

    • If you’re not intentionally showing these traits, you won’t be seen as ready.

  • Most people won’t give you actionable feedback.

    • You’ll hear vague responses like “you’re not quite ready.”

  • This disproportionately impacts:

    • Women, especially women of color.

    • Women in technical roles.


The 5 Key Executive-Level Skills

1. Strategic Communication

  • Speak like a leader, not just a reliable executor.

    • Avoid listing completed tasks.

    • Frame updates around business outcomes.

  • Instead of status updates:

    • Show early indicators of success (e.g. reduced churn).

    • Identify trends that impact deliverables and propose solutions.

    • Link backlogs or issues to shifts in customer needs.

  • Strategic communication is:

    • Forward-looking.

    • Insight-driven.

    • Focused on why things matter to the business.

  • Small language shift: Instead of “I completed X,” say “The impact of X is…”

    • Then suggest what to do next.

2. Executive Presence

  • Presence is about trust, not volume.

    • You don’t need to be loud; you need to project calm, clarity, and confidence.

  • In high-stakes meetings:

    • Speak clearly and concisely.

    • Don’t fill silence with nervous talking.

    • Pause, reflect, and respond with intention.

  • When disagreeing:

    • Do so calmly, without defensiveness.

    • Maintain the same demeanor with peers and the CEO.

  • Presence makes others feel grounded and led.

    • It signals you’re ready for complexity and uncertainty.

3. Influence Without Aggression

  • Influence matters more than authority at higher levels.

    • Your ability to build trust and move decisions forward is essential.

  • As a woman in tech:

    • You navigate a tightrope between assertiveness and approachability.

    • Many default to silence or become combative when ideas are challenged.

  • Influence means:

    • Asking bold questions, not making blunt statements.

    • Framing feedback as partnership.

    • Challenging with curiosity, not control.

  • Example language:

    • Instead of “This won’t work,” try “I’m going to offer a different angle…”

    • Instead of “I don’t agree,” say “What outcome are we optimizing for?”

  • Influence is about shaping direction through calm conviction.

4. Forward Thinking and Big Picture Mindset

  • Shift from task execution to strategic thinking.

    • Look ahead, around corners, and across functions.

  • Ask: If your company doubled, what would break first?

    • This helps you think like a strategist.

  • Connect your work to business growth.

    • Advocate for future opportunities and preempt risks.

  • Strategic thinking is learnable.

    • You must carve out time for thinking, not just doing.

    • Promote ideas beyond your department.

5. Self-Regulation Under Pressure

  • Emotional steadiness is critical for executive roles.

    • You must be calm in conflict, stress, and when receiving feedback.

  • If you react emotionally:

    • Others won’t trust you to lead change or handle crisis.

  • Self-regulation looks like:

    • Breathing and pausing before responding.

    • Staying grounded when tension rises.

  • Practice: Pause for three seconds before replying in a heated moment.

    • This simple action helps you regain composure.

  • When you regulate yourself well:

    • You become the leader people look to in hard moments.


Reflecting on the Five Skills

  • If you’re not getting promoted, ask:

    • Are you demonstrating strategic communication?

    • Do you project executive presence?

    • Are you influencing effectively without aggression?

    • Do you show a big picture mindset?

    • Can you self-regulate in pressure situations?

  • Signs you’re missing these signals:

    • Praised, but not invited to strategic conversations.

    • Seen as reliable but not as a visionary.

    • Speak up, but ideas don’t gain traction.

    • Told to be more strategic, but unsure how.

  • These don’t mean you’re failing.

    • They mean you’re playing the wrong game.

    • You need to shift from manager mentality to executive presence.


Take Action: Promotion Readiness Scorecard

  • Don’t guess why you’re not getting promoted.

  • Begin closing the gap today:

    • Speak in outcomes, not tasks.

    • Lead with insight.

    • Frame conversations strategically.

  • Build visibility and influence beyond your boss.

    • Engage with cross-functional teams and skip levels.

    • Be seen as a decision maker, not just a reliable executor.


Final Takeaway

  • You’re likely already over-delivering.

    • But promotion isn’t about doing more.

    • It’s about being seen differently.

  • Reflect:

    • Which of the five executive skills are you under-leveraging?

    • Where are you assuming your work speaks for itself?

    • What would change if you were seen as strategic?

  • Don’t wait to be tapped.

    • Start showing up as if you’re already on the executive team.

    • You’ve got this. You can shift how you’re seen.

  • Lead with purpose, presence, and power.

    • Your next promotion is about perception, not just performance.

Get the Latest Leadership Insights in Your Inbox

Need Help Implementing
These Ideas?

Loved this episode but want support applying it?

Explore our coaching programs designed for women leaders in tech.

Executive Coach Toni Collis

272: Should You Stay, Go, or Redesign Your Role? How to Know When It’s Time to Exit

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Ut elit tellus, luctus nec ullamcorper mattis, pulvinar dapibus.

Listen Here:

Subscribe & Never Miss an Episode

SHOW NOTES:

You’re not alone. This episode is going to be your go-to toolkit for navigating those high-pressure moments with more clarity and confidence.

In this episode, I unpack what pressure really does to high-achieving women — and more importantly, how to coach yourself through it in real time, even when your heart is racing and your voice feels like it’s vanished. If you’ve ever wanted to feel more grounded, more articulate, and more in control under fire, this one’s for you.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

  • Why freezing, rambling, or going silent is NOT a sign of incompetence
  • How to interrupt the “pressure spiral” before it derails your confidence
  • Micro self-coaching tools — no journaling required
  • Shifting from reactive to grounded leadership in high-stakes situations
  • How to apply my “Hold, Don’t Carry” method so you stop replaying every meeting in your head
  • Using the Say It Like a Leader script pack to pair inner clarity with outer confidence

 

FREE DOWNLOAD

Download the free companion guide:
Say It Like a Leader

Facebook
LinkedIn

TRANSCRIPT

 

  • You’re overperforming. You’ve picked up slack, led initiatives, worked late, and still no promotion.

    • You’re told you’re doing great, but it’s not the right time.

    • Or worse, you receive silence in return.

  • The missing ingredient isn’t your results, it’s a skill gap that impacts many high-performing women.

    • Performance does not equal promotion.

    • Many assume that delivering results alone will get them promoted, but this assumption holds them back.

  • In today’s episode:

    • Why being the best at your job isn’t enough.

    • What does get you seen as strategic and promotable.

    • Introduction of the Promotion Readiness Scorecard.


Sandra’s Story: The Performance vs. Perception Gap

  • Sandra was a marketing team leader at a global SaaS company.

    • She met every deadline, exceeded KPIs, and had her team’s trust.

  • Despite all this, she wasn’t getting promoted.

    • Her boss told her: “You’re excellent, but we need something more strategic.”

    • Sandra thought she was already being strategic by solving problems, managing up, and driving outcomes.

  • The truth was, her leadership potential wasn’t being perceived.

    • She lacked VP or SVP level presence.

    • Many women fall into this trap: doing more than peers but getting passed over.

  • Promotions aren’t based on effort alone.

    • They’re based on perceived readiness to influence and lead at the next level.

    • When you’re always in execution mode, people stop seeing you as strategic.

  • Perception matters.

    • Your performance must be framed, interpreted, and communicated strategically.


The Real Reason You’re Not Getting Promoted

  • Results matter, but not as much as you think.

    • Promotions are based more on perception than output.

    • Especially for women in tech, hustle can work against you.

  • Hustling shows you’re at the end of your bandwidth.

    • Executives want to see strategic potential and composure, not busyness.

  • Promotion requires leadership voice and the ability to influence beyond your role.

    • If you’re not intentionally showing these traits, you won’t be seen as ready.

  • Most people won’t give you actionable feedback.

    • You’ll hear vague responses like “you’re not quite ready.”

  • This disproportionately impacts:

    • Women, especially women of color.

    • Women in technical roles.


The 5 Key Executive-Level Skills

1. Strategic Communication

  • Speak like a leader, not just a reliable executor.

    • Avoid listing completed tasks.

    • Frame updates around business outcomes.

  • Instead of status updates:

    • Show early indicators of success (e.g. reduced churn).

    • Identify trends that impact deliverables and propose solutions.

    • Link backlogs or issues to shifts in customer needs.

  • Strategic communication is:

    • Forward-looking.

    • Insight-driven.

    • Focused on why things matter to the business.

  • Small language shift: Instead of “I completed X,” say “The impact of X is…”

    • Then suggest what to do next.

2. Executive Presence

  • Presence is about trust, not volume.

    • You don’t need to be loud; you need to project calm, clarity, and confidence.

  • In high-stakes meetings:

    • Speak clearly and concisely.

    • Don’t fill silence with nervous talking.

    • Pause, reflect, and respond with intention.

  • When disagreeing:

    • Do so calmly, without defensiveness.

    • Maintain the same demeanor with peers and the CEO.

  • Presence makes others feel grounded and led.

    • It signals you’re ready for complexity and uncertainty.

3. Influence Without Aggression

  • Influence matters more than authority at higher levels.

    • Your ability to build trust and move decisions forward is essential.

  • As a woman in tech:

    • You navigate a tightrope between assertiveness and approachability.

    • Many default to silence or become combative when ideas are challenged.

  • Influence means:

    • Asking bold questions, not making blunt statements.

    • Framing feedback as partnership.

    • Challenging with curiosity, not control.

  • Example language:

    • Instead of “This won’t work,” try “I’m going to offer a different angle…”

    • Instead of “I don’t agree,” say “What outcome are we optimizing for?”

  • Influence is about shaping direction through calm conviction.

4. Forward Thinking and Big Picture Mindset

  • Shift from task execution to strategic thinking.

    • Look ahead, around corners, and across functions.

  • Ask: If your company doubled, what would break first?

    • This helps you think like a strategist.

  • Connect your work to business growth.

    • Advocate for future opportunities and preempt risks.

  • Strategic thinking is learnable.

    • You must carve out time for thinking, not just doing.

    • Promote ideas beyond your department.

5. Self-Regulation Under Pressure

  • Emotional steadiness is critical for executive roles.

    • You must be calm in conflict, stress, and when receiving feedback.

  • If you react emotionally:

    • Others won’t trust you to lead change or handle crisis.

  • Self-regulation looks like:

    • Breathing and pausing before responding.

    • Staying grounded when tension rises.

  • Practice: Pause for three seconds before replying in a heated moment.

    • This simple action helps you regain composure.

  • When you regulate yourself well:

    • You become the leader people look to in hard moments.


Reflecting on the Five Skills

  • If you’re not getting promoted, ask:

    • Are you demonstrating strategic communication?

    • Do you project executive presence?

    • Are you influencing effectively without aggression?

    • Do you show a big picture mindset?

    • Can you self-regulate in pressure situations?

  • Signs you’re missing these signals:

    • Praised, but not invited to strategic conversations.

    • Seen as reliable but not as a visionary.

    • Speak up, but ideas don’t gain traction.

    • Told to be more strategic, but unsure how.

  • These don’t mean you’re failing.

    • They mean you’re playing the wrong game.

    • You need to shift from manager mentality to executive presence.


Take Action: Promotion Readiness Scorecard

  • Don’t guess why you’re not getting promoted.

  • Begin closing the gap today:

    • Speak in outcomes, not tasks.

    • Lead with insight.

    • Frame conversations strategically.

  • Build visibility and influence beyond your boss.

    • Engage with cross-functional teams and skip levels.

    • Be seen as a decision maker, not just a reliable executor.


Final Takeaway

  • You’re likely already over-delivering.

    • But promotion isn’t about doing more.

    • It’s about being seen differently.

  • Reflect:

    • Which of the five executive skills are you under-leveraging?

    • Where are you assuming your work speaks for itself?

    • What would change if you were seen as strategic?

  • Don’t wait to be tapped.

    • Start showing up as if you’re already on the executive team.

    • You’ve got this. You can shift how you’re seen.

  • Lead with purpose, presence, and power.

    • Your next promotion is about perception, not just performance.

Get the Latest Leadership Insights in Your Inbox

Need Help Implementing
These Ideas?

Loved this episode but want support applying it?

Explore our coaching programs designed for women leaders in tech.

Executive Coach Toni Collis

271: Leaning In: Navigating Leadership, Authenticity, and Growth as Women in Tech with Leila Kassner

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Ut elit tellus, luctus nec ullamcorper mattis, pulvinar dapibus.

Listen Here:

Subscribe & Never Miss an Episode

SHOW NOTES:

You’re not alone. This episode is going to be your go-to toolkit for navigating those high-pressure moments with more clarity and confidence.

In this episode, I unpack what pressure really does to high-achieving women — and more importantly, how to coach yourself through it in real time, even when your heart is racing and your voice feels like it’s vanished. If you’ve ever wanted to feel more grounded, more articulate, and more in control under fire, this one’s for you.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

  • Why freezing, rambling, or going silent is NOT a sign of incompetence
  • How to interrupt the “pressure spiral” before it derails your confidence
  • Micro self-coaching tools — no journaling required
  • Shifting from reactive to grounded leadership in high-stakes situations
  • How to apply my “Hold, Don’t Carry” method so you stop replaying every meeting in your head
  • Using the Say It Like a Leader script pack to pair inner clarity with outer confidence

 

FREE DOWNLOAD

Download the free companion guide:
Say It Like a Leader

Facebook
LinkedIn

TRANSCRIPT

 

  • You’re overperforming. You’ve picked up slack, led initiatives, worked late, and still no promotion.

    • You’re told you’re doing great, but it’s not the right time.

    • Or worse, you receive silence in return.

  • The missing ingredient isn’t your results, it’s a skill gap that impacts many high-performing women.

    • Performance does not equal promotion.

    • Many assume that delivering results alone will get them promoted, but this assumption holds them back.

  • In today’s episode:

    • Why being the best at your job isn’t enough.

    • What does get you seen as strategic and promotable.

    • Introduction of the Promotion Readiness Scorecard.


Sandra’s Story: The Performance vs. Perception Gap

  • Sandra was a marketing team leader at a global SaaS company.

    • She met every deadline, exceeded KPIs, and had her team’s trust.

  • Despite all this, she wasn’t getting promoted.

    • Her boss told her: “You’re excellent, but we need something more strategic.”

    • Sandra thought she was already being strategic by solving problems, managing up, and driving outcomes.

  • The truth was, her leadership potential wasn’t being perceived.

    • She lacked VP or SVP level presence.

    • Many women fall into this trap: doing more than peers but getting passed over.

  • Promotions aren’t based on effort alone.

    • They’re based on perceived readiness to influence and lead at the next level.

    • When you’re always in execution mode, people stop seeing you as strategic.

  • Perception matters.

    • Your performance must be framed, interpreted, and communicated strategically.


The Real Reason You’re Not Getting Promoted

  • Results matter, but not as much as you think.

    • Promotions are based more on perception than output.

    • Especially for women in tech, hustle can work against you.

  • Hustling shows you’re at the end of your bandwidth.

    • Executives want to see strategic potential and composure, not busyness.

  • Promotion requires leadership voice and the ability to influence beyond your role.

    • If you’re not intentionally showing these traits, you won’t be seen as ready.

  • Most people won’t give you actionable feedback.

    • You’ll hear vague responses like “you’re not quite ready.”

  • This disproportionately impacts:

    • Women, especially women of color.

    • Women in technical roles.


The 5 Key Executive-Level Skills

1. Strategic Communication

  • Speak like a leader, not just a reliable executor.

    • Avoid listing completed tasks.

    • Frame updates around business outcomes.

  • Instead of status updates:

    • Show early indicators of success (e.g. reduced churn).

    • Identify trends that impact deliverables and propose solutions.

    • Link backlogs or issues to shifts in customer needs.

  • Strategic communication is:

    • Forward-looking.

    • Insight-driven.

    • Focused on why things matter to the business.

  • Small language shift: Instead of “I completed X,” say “The impact of X is…”

    • Then suggest what to do next.

2. Executive Presence

  • Presence is about trust, not volume.

    • You don’t need to be loud; you need to project calm, clarity, and confidence.

  • In high-stakes meetings:

    • Speak clearly and concisely.

    • Don’t fill silence with nervous talking.

    • Pause, reflect, and respond with intention.

  • When disagreeing:

    • Do so calmly, without defensiveness.

    • Maintain the same demeanor with peers and the CEO.

  • Presence makes others feel grounded and led.

    • It signals you’re ready for complexity and uncertainty.

3. Influence Without Aggression

  • Influence matters more than authority at higher levels.

    • Your ability to build trust and move decisions forward is essential.

  • As a woman in tech:

    • You navigate a tightrope between assertiveness and approachability.

    • Many default to silence or become combative when ideas are challenged.

  • Influence means:

    • Asking bold questions, not making blunt statements.

    • Framing feedback as partnership.

    • Challenging with curiosity, not control.

  • Example language:

    • Instead of “This won’t work,” try “I’m going to offer a different angle…”

    • Instead of “I don’t agree,” say “What outcome are we optimizing for?”

  • Influence is about shaping direction through calm conviction.

4. Forward Thinking and Big Picture Mindset

  • Shift from task execution to strategic thinking.

    • Look ahead, around corners, and across functions.

  • Ask: If your company doubled, what would break first?

    • This helps you think like a strategist.

  • Connect your work to business growth.

    • Advocate for future opportunities and preempt risks.

  • Strategic thinking is learnable.

    • You must carve out time for thinking, not just doing.

    • Promote ideas beyond your department.

5. Self-Regulation Under Pressure

  • Emotional steadiness is critical for executive roles.

    • You must be calm in conflict, stress, and when receiving feedback.

  • If you react emotionally:

    • Others won’t trust you to lead change or handle crisis.

  • Self-regulation looks like:

    • Breathing and pausing before responding.

    • Staying grounded when tension rises.

  • Practice: Pause for three seconds before replying in a heated moment.

    • This simple action helps you regain composure.

  • When you regulate yourself well:

    • You become the leader people look to in hard moments.


Reflecting on the Five Skills

  • If you’re not getting promoted, ask:

    • Are you demonstrating strategic communication?

    • Do you project executive presence?

    • Are you influencing effectively without aggression?

    • Do you show a big picture mindset?

    • Can you self-regulate in pressure situations?

  • Signs you’re missing these signals:

    • Praised, but not invited to strategic conversations.

    • Seen as reliable but not as a visionary.

    • Speak up, but ideas don’t gain traction.

    • Told to be more strategic, but unsure how.

  • These don’t mean you’re failing.

    • They mean you’re playing the wrong game.

    • You need to shift from manager mentality to executive presence.


Take Action: Promotion Readiness Scorecard

  • Don’t guess why you’re not getting promoted.

  • Begin closing the gap today:

    • Speak in outcomes, not tasks.

    • Lead with insight.

    • Frame conversations strategically.

  • Build visibility and influence beyond your boss.

    • Engage with cross-functional teams and skip levels.

    • Be seen as a decision maker, not just a reliable executor.


Final Takeaway

  • You’re likely already over-delivering.

    • But promotion isn’t about doing more.

    • It’s about being seen differently.

  • Reflect:

    • Which of the five executive skills are you under-leveraging?

    • Where are you assuming your work speaks for itself?

    • What would change if you were seen as strategic?

  • Don’t wait to be tapped.

    • Start showing up as if you’re already on the executive team.

    • You’ve got this. You can shift how you’re seen.

  • Lead with purpose, presence, and power.

    • Your next promotion is about perception, not just performance.

Get the Latest Leadership Insights in Your Inbox

Need Help Implementing
These Ideas?

Loved this episode but want support applying it?

Explore our coaching programs designed for women leaders in tech.

Executive Coach Toni Collis

270: When Your Boss Doesn’t Listen: How to Shift from Frustrated to Heard

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Listen Here:

Subscribe & Never Miss an Episode

SHOW NOTES:

You’re not alone. This episode is going to be your go-to toolkit for navigating those high-pressure moments with more clarity and confidence.

In this episode, I unpack what pressure really does to high-achieving women — and more importantly, how to coach yourself through it in real time, even when your heart is racing and your voice feels like it’s vanished. If you’ve ever wanted to feel more grounded, more articulate, and more in control under fire, this one’s for you.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

  • Why freezing, rambling, or going silent is NOT a sign of incompetence
  • How to interrupt the “pressure spiral” before it derails your confidence
  • Micro self-coaching tools — no journaling required
  • Shifting from reactive to grounded leadership in high-stakes situations
  • How to apply my “Hold, Don’t Carry” method so you stop replaying every meeting in your head
  • Using the Say It Like a Leader script pack to pair inner clarity with outer confidence

 

FREE DOWNLOAD

Download the free companion guide:
Say It Like a Leader

Facebook
LinkedIn

TRANSCRIPT

 

  • You’re overperforming. You’ve picked up slack, led initiatives, worked late, and still no promotion.

    • You’re told you’re doing great, but it’s not the right time.

    • Or worse, you receive silence in return.

  • The missing ingredient isn’t your results, it’s a skill gap that impacts many high-performing women.

    • Performance does not equal promotion.

    • Many assume that delivering results alone will get them promoted, but this assumption holds them back.

  • In today’s episode:

    • Why being the best at your job isn’t enough.

    • What does get you seen as strategic and promotable.

    • Introduction of the Promotion Readiness Scorecard.


Sandra’s Story: The Performance vs. Perception Gap

  • Sandra was a marketing team leader at a global SaaS company.

    • She met every deadline, exceeded KPIs, and had her team’s trust.

  • Despite all this, she wasn’t getting promoted.

    • Her boss told her: “You’re excellent, but we need something more strategic.”

    • Sandra thought she was already being strategic by solving problems, managing up, and driving outcomes.

  • The truth was, her leadership potential wasn’t being perceived.

    • She lacked VP or SVP level presence.

    • Many women fall into this trap: doing more than peers but getting passed over.

  • Promotions aren’t based on effort alone.

    • They’re based on perceived readiness to influence and lead at the next level.

    • When you’re always in execution mode, people stop seeing you as strategic.

  • Perception matters.

    • Your performance must be framed, interpreted, and communicated strategically.


The Real Reason You’re Not Getting Promoted

  • Results matter, but not as much as you think.

    • Promotions are based more on perception than output.

    • Especially for women in tech, hustle can work against you.

  • Hustling shows you’re at the end of your bandwidth.

    • Executives want to see strategic potential and composure, not busyness.

  • Promotion requires leadership voice and the ability to influence beyond your role.

    • If you’re not intentionally showing these traits, you won’t be seen as ready.

  • Most people won’t give you actionable feedback.

    • You’ll hear vague responses like “you’re not quite ready.”

  • This disproportionately impacts:

    • Women, especially women of color.

    • Women in technical roles.


The 5 Key Executive-Level Skills

1. Strategic Communication

  • Speak like a leader, not just a reliable executor.

    • Avoid listing completed tasks.

    • Frame updates around business outcomes.

  • Instead of status updates:

    • Show early indicators of success (e.g. reduced churn).

    • Identify trends that impact deliverables and propose solutions.

    • Link backlogs or issues to shifts in customer needs.

  • Strategic communication is:

    • Forward-looking.

    • Insight-driven.

    • Focused on why things matter to the business.

  • Small language shift: Instead of “I completed X,” say “The impact of X is…”

    • Then suggest what to do next.

2. Executive Presence

  • Presence is about trust, not volume.

    • You don’t need to be loud; you need to project calm, clarity, and confidence.

  • In high-stakes meetings:

    • Speak clearly and concisely.

    • Don’t fill silence with nervous talking.

    • Pause, reflect, and respond with intention.

  • When disagreeing:

    • Do so calmly, without defensiveness.

    • Maintain the same demeanor with peers and the CEO.

  • Presence makes others feel grounded and led.

    • It signals you’re ready for complexity and uncertainty.

3. Influence Without Aggression

  • Influence matters more than authority at higher levels.

    • Your ability to build trust and move decisions forward is essential.

  • As a woman in tech:

    • You navigate a tightrope between assertiveness and approachability.

    • Many default to silence or become combative when ideas are challenged.

  • Influence means:

    • Asking bold questions, not making blunt statements.

    • Framing feedback as partnership.

    • Challenging with curiosity, not control.

  • Example language:

    • Instead of “This won’t work,” try “I’m going to offer a different angle…”

    • Instead of “I don’t agree,” say “What outcome are we optimizing for?”

  • Influence is about shaping direction through calm conviction.

4. Forward Thinking and Big Picture Mindset

  • Shift from task execution to strategic thinking.

    • Look ahead, around corners, and across functions.

  • Ask: If your company doubled, what would break first?

    • This helps you think like a strategist.

  • Connect your work to business growth.

    • Advocate for future opportunities and preempt risks.

  • Strategic thinking is learnable.

    • You must carve out time for thinking, not just doing.

    • Promote ideas beyond your department.

5. Self-Regulation Under Pressure

  • Emotional steadiness is critical for executive roles.

    • You must be calm in conflict, stress, and when receiving feedback.

  • If you react emotionally:

    • Others won’t trust you to lead change or handle crisis.

  • Self-regulation looks like:

    • Breathing and pausing before responding.

    • Staying grounded when tension rises.

  • Practice: Pause for three seconds before replying in a heated moment.

    • This simple action helps you regain composure.

  • When you regulate yourself well:

    • You become the leader people look to in hard moments.


Reflecting on the Five Skills

  • If you’re not getting promoted, ask:

    • Are you demonstrating strategic communication?

    • Do you project executive presence?

    • Are you influencing effectively without aggression?

    • Do you show a big picture mindset?

    • Can you self-regulate in pressure situations?

  • Signs you’re missing these signals:

    • Praised, but not invited to strategic conversations.

    • Seen as reliable but not as a visionary.

    • Speak up, but ideas don’t gain traction.

    • Told to be more strategic, but unsure how.

  • These don’t mean you’re failing.

    • They mean you’re playing the wrong game.

    • You need to shift from manager mentality to executive presence.


Take Action: Promotion Readiness Scorecard

  • Don’t guess why you’re not getting promoted.

  • Begin closing the gap today:

    • Speak in outcomes, not tasks.

    • Lead with insight.

    • Frame conversations strategically.

  • Build visibility and influence beyond your boss.

    • Engage with cross-functional teams and skip levels.

    • Be seen as a decision maker, not just a reliable executor.


Final Takeaway

  • You’re likely already over-delivering.

    • But promotion isn’t about doing more.

    • It’s about being seen differently.

  • Reflect:

    • Which of the five executive skills are you under-leveraging?

    • Where are you assuming your work speaks for itself?

    • What would change if you were seen as strategic?

  • Don’t wait to be tapped.

    • Start showing up as if you’re already on the executive team.

    • You’ve got this. You can shift how you’re seen.

  • Lead with purpose, presence, and power.

    • Your next promotion is about perception, not just performance.

Get the Latest Leadership Insights in Your Inbox

Need Help Implementing
These Ideas?

Loved this episode but want support applying it?

Explore our coaching programs designed for women leaders in tech.

Executive Coach Toni Collis

269: Big Vision Without Burnout: How to Lead Without Overwhelm with Jackie Peters

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Listen Here:

Subscribe & Never Miss an Episode

SHOW NOTES:

You’re not alone. This episode is going to be your go-to toolkit for navigating those high-pressure moments with more clarity and confidence.

In this episode, I unpack what pressure really does to high-achieving women — and more importantly, how to coach yourself through it in real time, even when your heart is racing and your voice feels like it’s vanished. If you’ve ever wanted to feel more grounded, more articulate, and more in control under fire, this one’s for you.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

  • Why freezing, rambling, or going silent is NOT a sign of incompetence
  • How to interrupt the “pressure spiral” before it derails your confidence
  • Micro self-coaching tools — no journaling required
  • Shifting from reactive to grounded leadership in high-stakes situations
  • How to apply my “Hold, Don’t Carry” method so you stop replaying every meeting in your head
  • Using the Say It Like a Leader script pack to pair inner clarity with outer confidence

 

FREE DOWNLOAD

Download the free companion guide:
Say It Like a Leader

Facebook
LinkedIn

TRANSCRIPT

 

  • You’re overperforming. You’ve picked up slack, led initiatives, worked late, and still no promotion.

    • You’re told you’re doing great, but it’s not the right time.

    • Or worse, you receive silence in return.

  • The missing ingredient isn’t your results, it’s a skill gap that impacts many high-performing women.

    • Performance does not equal promotion.

    • Many assume that delivering results alone will get them promoted, but this assumption holds them back.

  • In today’s episode:

    • Why being the best at your job isn’t enough.

    • What does get you seen as strategic and promotable.

    • Introduction of the Promotion Readiness Scorecard.


Sandra’s Story: The Performance vs. Perception Gap

  • Sandra was a marketing team leader at a global SaaS company.

    • She met every deadline, exceeded KPIs, and had her team’s trust.

  • Despite all this, she wasn’t getting promoted.

    • Her boss told her: “You’re excellent, but we need something more strategic.”

    • Sandra thought she was already being strategic by solving problems, managing up, and driving outcomes.

  • The truth was, her leadership potential wasn’t being perceived.

    • She lacked VP or SVP level presence.

    • Many women fall into this trap: doing more than peers but getting passed over.

  • Promotions aren’t based on effort alone.

    • They’re based on perceived readiness to influence and lead at the next level.

    • When you’re always in execution mode, people stop seeing you as strategic.

  • Perception matters.

    • Your performance must be framed, interpreted, and communicated strategically.


The Real Reason You’re Not Getting Promoted

  • Results matter, but not as much as you think.

    • Promotions are based more on perception than output.

    • Especially for women in tech, hustle can work against you.

  • Hustling shows you’re at the end of your bandwidth.

    • Executives want to see strategic potential and composure, not busyness.

  • Promotion requires leadership voice and the ability to influence beyond your role.

    • If you’re not intentionally showing these traits, you won’t be seen as ready.

  • Most people won’t give you actionable feedback.

    • You’ll hear vague responses like “you’re not quite ready.”

  • This disproportionately impacts:

    • Women, especially women of color.

    • Women in technical roles.


The 5 Key Executive-Level Skills

1. Strategic Communication

  • Speak like a leader, not just a reliable executor.

    • Avoid listing completed tasks.

    • Frame updates around business outcomes.

  • Instead of status updates:

    • Show early indicators of success (e.g. reduced churn).

    • Identify trends that impact deliverables and propose solutions.

    • Link backlogs or issues to shifts in customer needs.

  • Strategic communication is:

    • Forward-looking.

    • Insight-driven.

    • Focused on why things matter to the business.

  • Small language shift: Instead of “I completed X,” say “The impact of X is…”

    • Then suggest what to do next.

2. Executive Presence

  • Presence is about trust, not volume.

    • You don’t need to be loud; you need to project calm, clarity, and confidence.

  • In high-stakes meetings:

    • Speak clearly and concisely.

    • Don’t fill silence with nervous talking.

    • Pause, reflect, and respond with intention.

  • When disagreeing:

    • Do so calmly, without defensiveness.

    • Maintain the same demeanor with peers and the CEO.

  • Presence makes others feel grounded and led.

    • It signals you’re ready for complexity and uncertainty.

3. Influence Without Aggression

  • Influence matters more than authority at higher levels.

    • Your ability to build trust and move decisions forward is essential.

  • As a woman in tech:

    • You navigate a tightrope between assertiveness and approachability.

    • Many default to silence or become combative when ideas are challenged.

  • Influence means:

    • Asking bold questions, not making blunt statements.

    • Framing feedback as partnership.

    • Challenging with curiosity, not control.

  • Example language:

    • Instead of “This won’t work,” try “I’m going to offer a different angle…”

    • Instead of “I don’t agree,” say “What outcome are we optimizing for?”

  • Influence is about shaping direction through calm conviction.

4. Forward Thinking and Big Picture Mindset

  • Shift from task execution to strategic thinking.

    • Look ahead, around corners, and across functions.

  • Ask: If your company doubled, what would break first?

    • This helps you think like a strategist.

  • Connect your work to business growth.

    • Advocate for future opportunities and preempt risks.

  • Strategic thinking is learnable.

    • You must carve out time for thinking, not just doing.

    • Promote ideas beyond your department.

5. Self-Regulation Under Pressure

  • Emotional steadiness is critical for executive roles.

    • You must be calm in conflict, stress, and when receiving feedback.

  • If you react emotionally:

    • Others won’t trust you to lead change or handle crisis.

  • Self-regulation looks like:

    • Breathing and pausing before responding.

    • Staying grounded when tension rises.

  • Practice: Pause for three seconds before replying in a heated moment.

    • This simple action helps you regain composure.

  • When you regulate yourself well:

    • You become the leader people look to in hard moments.


Reflecting on the Five Skills

  • If you’re not getting promoted, ask:

    • Are you demonstrating strategic communication?

    • Do you project executive presence?

    • Are you influencing effectively without aggression?

    • Do you show a big picture mindset?

    • Can you self-regulate in pressure situations?

  • Signs you’re missing these signals:

    • Praised, but not invited to strategic conversations.

    • Seen as reliable but not as a visionary.

    • Speak up, but ideas don’t gain traction.

    • Told to be more strategic, but unsure how.

  • These don’t mean you’re failing.

    • They mean you’re playing the wrong game.

    • You need to shift from manager mentality to executive presence.


Take Action: Promotion Readiness Scorecard

  • Don’t guess why you’re not getting promoted.

  • Begin closing the gap today:

    • Speak in outcomes, not tasks.

    • Lead with insight.

    • Frame conversations strategically.

  • Build visibility and influence beyond your boss.

    • Engage with cross-functional teams and skip levels.

    • Be seen as a decision maker, not just a reliable executor.


Final Takeaway

  • You’re likely already over-delivering.

    • But promotion isn’t about doing more.

    • It’s about being seen differently.

  • Reflect:

    • Which of the five executive skills are you under-leveraging?

    • Where are you assuming your work speaks for itself?

    • What would change if you were seen as strategic?

  • Don’t wait to be tapped.

    • Start showing up as if you’re already on the executive team.

    • You’ve got this. You can shift how you’re seen.

  • Lead with purpose, presence, and power.

    • Your next promotion is about perception, not just performance.

Get the Latest Leadership Insights in Your Inbox

Need Help Implementing
These Ideas?

Loved this episode but want support applying it?

Explore our coaching programs designed for women leaders in tech.

Executive Coach Toni Collis

268: Boundaries for Women in Leadership: How to Lead Without Burning Out

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Ut elit tellus, luctus nec ullamcorper mattis, pulvinar dapibus.

Listen Here:

Subscribe & Never Miss an Episode

SHOW NOTES:

You’re not alone. This episode is going to be your go-to toolkit for navigating those high-pressure moments with more clarity and confidence.

In this episode, I unpack what pressure really does to high-achieving women — and more importantly, how to coach yourself through it in real time, even when your heart is racing and your voice feels like it’s vanished. If you’ve ever wanted to feel more grounded, more articulate, and more in control under fire, this one’s for you.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

  • Why freezing, rambling, or going silent is NOT a sign of incompetence
  • How to interrupt the “pressure spiral” before it derails your confidence
  • Micro self-coaching tools — no journaling required
  • Shifting from reactive to grounded leadership in high-stakes situations
  • How to apply my “Hold, Don’t Carry” method so you stop replaying every meeting in your head
  • Using the Say It Like a Leader script pack to pair inner clarity with outer confidence

 

FREE DOWNLOAD

Download the free companion guide:
Say It Like a Leader

Facebook
LinkedIn

TRANSCRIPT

 

  • You’re overperforming. You’ve picked up slack, led initiatives, worked late, and still no promotion.

    • You’re told you’re doing great, but it’s not the right time.

    • Or worse, you receive silence in return.

  • The missing ingredient isn’t your results, it’s a skill gap that impacts many high-performing women.

    • Performance does not equal promotion.

    • Many assume that delivering results alone will get them promoted, but this assumption holds them back.

  • In today’s episode:

    • Why being the best at your job isn’t enough.

    • What does get you seen as strategic and promotable.

    • Introduction of the Promotion Readiness Scorecard.


Sandra’s Story: The Performance vs. Perception Gap

  • Sandra was a marketing team leader at a global SaaS company.

    • She met every deadline, exceeded KPIs, and had her team’s trust.

  • Despite all this, she wasn’t getting promoted.

    • Her boss told her: “You’re excellent, but we need something more strategic.”

    • Sandra thought she was already being strategic by solving problems, managing up, and driving outcomes.

  • The truth was, her leadership potential wasn’t being perceived.

    • She lacked VP or SVP level presence.

    • Many women fall into this trap: doing more than peers but getting passed over.

  • Promotions aren’t based on effort alone.

    • They’re based on perceived readiness to influence and lead at the next level.

    • When you’re always in execution mode, people stop seeing you as strategic.

  • Perception matters.

    • Your performance must be framed, interpreted, and communicated strategically.


The Real Reason You’re Not Getting Promoted

  • Results matter, but not as much as you think.

    • Promotions are based more on perception than output.

    • Especially for women in tech, hustle can work against you.

  • Hustling shows you’re at the end of your bandwidth.

    • Executives want to see strategic potential and composure, not busyness.

  • Promotion requires leadership voice and the ability to influence beyond your role.

    • If you’re not intentionally showing these traits, you won’t be seen as ready.

  • Most people won’t give you actionable feedback.

    • You’ll hear vague responses like “you’re not quite ready.”

  • This disproportionately impacts:

    • Women, especially women of color.

    • Women in technical roles.


The 5 Key Executive-Level Skills

1. Strategic Communication

  • Speak like a leader, not just a reliable executor.

    • Avoid listing completed tasks.

    • Frame updates around business outcomes.

  • Instead of status updates:

    • Show early indicators of success (e.g. reduced churn).

    • Identify trends that impact deliverables and propose solutions.

    • Link backlogs or issues to shifts in customer needs.

  • Strategic communication is:

    • Forward-looking.

    • Insight-driven.

    • Focused on why things matter to the business.

  • Small language shift: Instead of “I completed X,” say “The impact of X is…”

    • Then suggest what to do next.

2. Executive Presence

  • Presence is about trust, not volume.

    • You don’t need to be loud; you need to project calm, clarity, and confidence.

  • In high-stakes meetings:

    • Speak clearly and concisely.

    • Don’t fill silence with nervous talking.

    • Pause, reflect, and respond with intention.

  • When disagreeing:

    • Do so calmly, without defensiveness.

    • Maintain the same demeanor with peers and the CEO.

  • Presence makes others feel grounded and led.

    • It signals you’re ready for complexity and uncertainty.

3. Influence Without Aggression

  • Influence matters more than authority at higher levels.

    • Your ability to build trust and move decisions forward is essential.

  • As a woman in tech:

    • You navigate a tightrope between assertiveness and approachability.

    • Many default to silence or become combative when ideas are challenged.

  • Influence means:

    • Asking bold questions, not making blunt statements.

    • Framing feedback as partnership.

    • Challenging with curiosity, not control.

  • Example language:

    • Instead of “This won’t work,” try “I’m going to offer a different angle…”

    • Instead of “I don’t agree,” say “What outcome are we optimizing for?”

  • Influence is about shaping direction through calm conviction.

4. Forward Thinking and Big Picture Mindset

  • Shift from task execution to strategic thinking.

    • Look ahead, around corners, and across functions.

  • Ask: If your company doubled, what would break first?

    • This helps you think like a strategist.

  • Connect your work to business growth.

    • Advocate for future opportunities and preempt risks.

  • Strategic thinking is learnable.

    • You must carve out time for thinking, not just doing.

    • Promote ideas beyond your department.

5. Self-Regulation Under Pressure

  • Emotional steadiness is critical for executive roles.

    • You must be calm in conflict, stress, and when receiving feedback.

  • If you react emotionally:

    • Others won’t trust you to lead change or handle crisis.

  • Self-regulation looks like:

    • Breathing and pausing before responding.

    • Staying grounded when tension rises.

  • Practice: Pause for three seconds before replying in a heated moment.

    • This simple action helps you regain composure.

  • When you regulate yourself well:

    • You become the leader people look to in hard moments.


Reflecting on the Five Skills

  • If you’re not getting promoted, ask:

    • Are you demonstrating strategic communication?

    • Do you project executive presence?

    • Are you influencing effectively without aggression?

    • Do you show a big picture mindset?

    • Can you self-regulate in pressure situations?

  • Signs you’re missing these signals:

    • Praised, but not invited to strategic conversations.

    • Seen as reliable but not as a visionary.

    • Speak up, but ideas don’t gain traction.

    • Told to be more strategic, but unsure how.

  • These don’t mean you’re failing.

    • They mean you’re playing the wrong game.

    • You need to shift from manager mentality to executive presence.


Take Action: Promotion Readiness Scorecard

  • Don’t guess why you’re not getting promoted.

  • Begin closing the gap today:

    • Speak in outcomes, not tasks.

    • Lead with insight.

    • Frame conversations strategically.

  • Build visibility and influence beyond your boss.

    • Engage with cross-functional teams and skip levels.

    • Be seen as a decision maker, not just a reliable executor.


Final Takeaway

  • You’re likely already over-delivering.

    • But promotion isn’t about doing more.

    • It’s about being seen differently.

  • Reflect:

    • Which of the five executive skills are you under-leveraging?

    • Where are you assuming your work speaks for itself?

    • What would change if you were seen as strategic?

  • Don’t wait to be tapped.

    • Start showing up as if you’re already on the executive team.

    • You’ve got this. You can shift how you’re seen.

  • Lead with purpose, presence, and power.

    • Your next promotion is about perception, not just performance.

Get the Latest Leadership Insights in Your Inbox

Need Help Implementing
These Ideas?

Loved this episode but want support applying it?

Explore our coaching programs designed for women leaders in tech.

Executive Coach Toni Collis

267: AI, Investment & Impact: Why Women’s Leadership Must Shape the Future with Susan Sly

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Listen Here:

Subscribe & Never Miss an Episode

SHOW NOTES:

You’re not alone. This episode is going to be your go-to toolkit for navigating those high-pressure moments with more clarity and confidence.

In this episode, I unpack what pressure really does to high-achieving women — and more importantly, how to coach yourself through it in real time, even when your heart is racing and your voice feels like it’s vanished. If you’ve ever wanted to feel more grounded, more articulate, and more in control under fire, this one’s for you.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

  • Why freezing, rambling, or going silent is NOT a sign of incompetence
  • How to interrupt the “pressure spiral” before it derails your confidence
  • Micro self-coaching tools — no journaling required
  • Shifting from reactive to grounded leadership in high-stakes situations
  • How to apply my “Hold, Don’t Carry” method so you stop replaying every meeting in your head
  • Using the Say It Like a Leader script pack to pair inner clarity with outer confidence

 

FREE DOWNLOAD

Download the free companion guide:
Say It Like a Leader

Facebook
LinkedIn

TRANSCRIPT

 

  • You’re overperforming. You’ve picked up slack, led initiatives, worked late, and still no promotion.

    • You’re told you’re doing great, but it’s not the right time.

    • Or worse, you receive silence in return.

  • The missing ingredient isn’t your results, it’s a skill gap that impacts many high-performing women.

    • Performance does not equal promotion.

    • Many assume that delivering results alone will get them promoted, but this assumption holds them back.

  • In today’s episode:

    • Why being the best at your job isn’t enough.

    • What does get you seen as strategic and promotable.

    • Introduction of the Promotion Readiness Scorecard.


Sandra’s Story: The Performance vs. Perception Gap

  • Sandra was a marketing team leader at a global SaaS company.

    • She met every deadline, exceeded KPIs, and had her team’s trust.

  • Despite all this, she wasn’t getting promoted.

    • Her boss told her: “You’re excellent, but we need something more strategic.”

    • Sandra thought she was already being strategic by solving problems, managing up, and driving outcomes.

  • The truth was, her leadership potential wasn’t being perceived.

    • She lacked VP or SVP level presence.

    • Many women fall into this trap: doing more than peers but getting passed over.

  • Promotions aren’t based on effort alone.

    • They’re based on perceived readiness to influence and lead at the next level.

    • When you’re always in execution mode, people stop seeing you as strategic.

  • Perception matters.

    • Your performance must be framed, interpreted, and communicated strategically.


The Real Reason You’re Not Getting Promoted

  • Results matter, but not as much as you think.

    • Promotions are based more on perception than output.

    • Especially for women in tech, hustle can work against you.

  • Hustling shows you’re at the end of your bandwidth.

    • Executives want to see strategic potential and composure, not busyness.

  • Promotion requires leadership voice and the ability to influence beyond your role.

    • If you’re not intentionally showing these traits, you won’t be seen as ready.

  • Most people won’t give you actionable feedback.

    • You’ll hear vague responses like “you’re not quite ready.”

  • This disproportionately impacts:

    • Women, especially women of color.

    • Women in technical roles.


The 5 Key Executive-Level Skills

1. Strategic Communication

  • Speak like a leader, not just a reliable executor.

    • Avoid listing completed tasks.

    • Frame updates around business outcomes.

  • Instead of status updates:

    • Show early indicators of success (e.g. reduced churn).

    • Identify trends that impact deliverables and propose solutions.

    • Link backlogs or issues to shifts in customer needs.

  • Strategic communication is:

    • Forward-looking.

    • Insight-driven.

    • Focused on why things matter to the business.

  • Small language shift: Instead of “I completed X,” say “The impact of X is…”

    • Then suggest what to do next.

2. Executive Presence

  • Presence is about trust, not volume.

    • You don’t need to be loud; you need to project calm, clarity, and confidence.

  • In high-stakes meetings:

    • Speak clearly and concisely.

    • Don’t fill silence with nervous talking.

    • Pause, reflect, and respond with intention.

  • When disagreeing:

    • Do so calmly, without defensiveness.

    • Maintain the same demeanor with peers and the CEO.

  • Presence makes others feel grounded and led.

    • It signals you’re ready for complexity and uncertainty.

3. Influence Without Aggression

  • Influence matters more than authority at higher levels.

    • Your ability to build trust and move decisions forward is essential.

  • As a woman in tech:

    • You navigate a tightrope between assertiveness and approachability.

    • Many default to silence or become combative when ideas are challenged.

  • Influence means:

    • Asking bold questions, not making blunt statements.

    • Framing feedback as partnership.

    • Challenging with curiosity, not control.

  • Example language:

    • Instead of “This won’t work,” try “I’m going to offer a different angle…”

    • Instead of “I don’t agree,” say “What outcome are we optimizing for?”

  • Influence is about shaping direction through calm conviction.

4. Forward Thinking and Big Picture Mindset

  • Shift from task execution to strategic thinking.

    • Look ahead, around corners, and across functions.

  • Ask: If your company doubled, what would break first?

    • This helps you think like a strategist.

  • Connect your work to business growth.

    • Advocate for future opportunities and preempt risks.

  • Strategic thinking is learnable.

    • You must carve out time for thinking, not just doing.

    • Promote ideas beyond your department.

5. Self-Regulation Under Pressure

  • Emotional steadiness is critical for executive roles.

    • You must be calm in conflict, stress, and when receiving feedback.

  • If you react emotionally:

    • Others won’t trust you to lead change or handle crisis.

  • Self-regulation looks like:

    • Breathing and pausing before responding.

    • Staying grounded when tension rises.

  • Practice: Pause for three seconds before replying in a heated moment.

    • This simple action helps you regain composure.

  • When you regulate yourself well:

    • You become the leader people look to in hard moments.


Reflecting on the Five Skills

  • If you’re not getting promoted, ask:

    • Are you demonstrating strategic communication?

    • Do you project executive presence?

    • Are you influencing effectively without aggression?

    • Do you show a big picture mindset?

    • Can you self-regulate in pressure situations?

  • Signs you’re missing these signals:

    • Praised, but not invited to strategic conversations.

    • Seen as reliable but not as a visionary.

    • Speak up, but ideas don’t gain traction.

    • Told to be more strategic, but unsure how.

  • These don’t mean you’re failing.

    • They mean you’re playing the wrong game.

    • You need to shift from manager mentality to executive presence.


Take Action: Promotion Readiness Scorecard

  • Don’t guess why you’re not getting promoted.

  • Begin closing the gap today:

    • Speak in outcomes, not tasks.

    • Lead with insight.

    • Frame conversations strategically.

  • Build visibility and influence beyond your boss.

    • Engage with cross-functional teams and skip levels.

    • Be seen as a decision maker, not just a reliable executor.


Final Takeaway

  • You’re likely already over-delivering.

    • But promotion isn’t about doing more.

    • It’s about being seen differently.

  • Reflect:

    • Which of the five executive skills are you under-leveraging?

    • Where are you assuming your work speaks for itself?

    • What would change if you were seen as strategic?

  • Don’t wait to be tapped.

    • Start showing up as if you’re already on the executive team.

    • You’ve got this. You can shift how you’re seen.

  • Lead with purpose, presence, and power.

    • Your next promotion is about perception, not just performance.

Get the Latest Leadership Insights in Your Inbox

Need Help Implementing
These Ideas?

Loved this episode but want support applying it?

Explore our coaching programs designed for women leaders in tech.

Executive Coach Toni Collis

266: AI Leadership Strategy: Stop Dabbling and Start Leading with AI

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Listen Here:

Subscribe & Never Miss an Episode

SHOW NOTES:

You’re not alone. This episode is going to be your go-to toolkit for navigating those high-pressure moments with more clarity and confidence.

In this episode, I unpack what pressure really does to high-achieving women — and more importantly, how to coach yourself through it in real time, even when your heart is racing and your voice feels like it’s vanished. If you’ve ever wanted to feel more grounded, more articulate, and more in control under fire, this one’s for you.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

  • Why freezing, rambling, or going silent is NOT a sign of incompetence
  • How to interrupt the “pressure spiral” before it derails your confidence
  • Micro self-coaching tools — no journaling required
  • Shifting from reactive to grounded leadership in high-stakes situations
  • How to apply my “Hold, Don’t Carry” method so you stop replaying every meeting in your head
  • Using the Say It Like a Leader script pack to pair inner clarity with outer confidence

 

FREE DOWNLOAD

Download the free companion guide:
Say It Like a Leader

Facebook
LinkedIn

TRANSCRIPT

 

  • You’re overperforming. You’ve picked up slack, led initiatives, worked late, and still no promotion.

    • You’re told you’re doing great, but it’s not the right time.

    • Or worse, you receive silence in return.

  • The missing ingredient isn’t your results, it’s a skill gap that impacts many high-performing women.

    • Performance does not equal promotion.

    • Many assume that delivering results alone will get them promoted, but this assumption holds them back.

  • In today’s episode:

    • Why being the best at your job isn’t enough.

    • What does get you seen as strategic and promotable.

    • Introduction of the Promotion Readiness Scorecard.


Sandra’s Story: The Performance vs. Perception Gap

  • Sandra was a marketing team leader at a global SaaS company.

    • She met every deadline, exceeded KPIs, and had her team’s trust.

  • Despite all this, she wasn’t getting promoted.

    • Her boss told her: “You’re excellent, but we need something more strategic.”

    • Sandra thought she was already being strategic by solving problems, managing up, and driving outcomes.

  • The truth was, her leadership potential wasn’t being perceived.

    • She lacked VP or SVP level presence.

    • Many women fall into this trap: doing more than peers but getting passed over.

  • Promotions aren’t based on effort alone.

    • They’re based on perceived readiness to influence and lead at the next level.

    • When you’re always in execution mode, people stop seeing you as strategic.

  • Perception matters.

    • Your performance must be framed, interpreted, and communicated strategically.


The Real Reason You’re Not Getting Promoted

  • Results matter, but not as much as you think.

    • Promotions are based more on perception than output.

    • Especially for women in tech, hustle can work against you.

  • Hustling shows you’re at the end of your bandwidth.

    • Executives want to see strategic potential and composure, not busyness.

  • Promotion requires leadership voice and the ability to influence beyond your role.

    • If you’re not intentionally showing these traits, you won’t be seen as ready.

  • Most people won’t give you actionable feedback.

    • You’ll hear vague responses like “you’re not quite ready.”

  • This disproportionately impacts:

    • Women, especially women of color.

    • Women in technical roles.


The 5 Key Executive-Level Skills

1. Strategic Communication

  • Speak like a leader, not just a reliable executor.

    • Avoid listing completed tasks.

    • Frame updates around business outcomes.

  • Instead of status updates:

    • Show early indicators of success (e.g. reduced churn).

    • Identify trends that impact deliverables and propose solutions.

    • Link backlogs or issues to shifts in customer needs.

  • Strategic communication is:

    • Forward-looking.

    • Insight-driven.

    • Focused on why things matter to the business.

  • Small language shift: Instead of “I completed X,” say “The impact of X is…”

    • Then suggest what to do next.

2. Executive Presence

  • Presence is about trust, not volume.

    • You don’t need to be loud; you need to project calm, clarity, and confidence.

  • In high-stakes meetings:

    • Speak clearly and concisely.

    • Don’t fill silence with nervous talking.

    • Pause, reflect, and respond with intention.

  • When disagreeing:

    • Do so calmly, without defensiveness.

    • Maintain the same demeanor with peers and the CEO.

  • Presence makes others feel grounded and led.

    • It signals you’re ready for complexity and uncertainty.

3. Influence Without Aggression

  • Influence matters more than authority at higher levels.

    • Your ability to build trust and move decisions forward is essential.

  • As a woman in tech:

    • You navigate a tightrope between assertiveness and approachability.

    • Many default to silence or become combative when ideas are challenged.

  • Influence means:

    • Asking bold questions, not making blunt statements.

    • Framing feedback as partnership.

    • Challenging with curiosity, not control.

  • Example language:

    • Instead of “This won’t work,” try “I’m going to offer a different angle…”

    • Instead of “I don’t agree,” say “What outcome are we optimizing for?”

  • Influence is about shaping direction through calm conviction.

4. Forward Thinking and Big Picture Mindset

  • Shift from task execution to strategic thinking.

    • Look ahead, around corners, and across functions.

  • Ask: If your company doubled, what would break first?

    • This helps you think like a strategist.

  • Connect your work to business growth.

    • Advocate for future opportunities and preempt risks.

  • Strategic thinking is learnable.

    • You must carve out time for thinking, not just doing.

    • Promote ideas beyond your department.

5. Self-Regulation Under Pressure

  • Emotional steadiness is critical for executive roles.

    • You must be calm in conflict, stress, and when receiving feedback.

  • If you react emotionally:

    • Others won’t trust you to lead change or handle crisis.

  • Self-regulation looks like:

    • Breathing and pausing before responding.

    • Staying grounded when tension rises.

  • Practice: Pause for three seconds before replying in a heated moment.

    • This simple action helps you regain composure.

  • When you regulate yourself well:

    • You become the leader people look to in hard moments.


Reflecting on the Five Skills

  • If you’re not getting promoted, ask:

    • Are you demonstrating strategic communication?

    • Do you project executive presence?

    • Are you influencing effectively without aggression?

    • Do you show a big picture mindset?

    • Can you self-regulate in pressure situations?

  • Signs you’re missing these signals:

    • Praised, but not invited to strategic conversations.

    • Seen as reliable but not as a visionary.

    • Speak up, but ideas don’t gain traction.

    • Told to be more strategic, but unsure how.

  • These don’t mean you’re failing.

    • They mean you’re playing the wrong game.

    • You need to shift from manager mentality to executive presence.


Take Action: Promotion Readiness Scorecard

  • Don’t guess why you’re not getting promoted.

  • Begin closing the gap today:

    • Speak in outcomes, not tasks.

    • Lead with insight.

    • Frame conversations strategically.

  • Build visibility and influence beyond your boss.

    • Engage with cross-functional teams and skip levels.

    • Be seen as a decision maker, not just a reliable executor.


Final Takeaway

  • You’re likely already over-delivering.

    • But promotion isn’t about doing more.

    • It’s about being seen differently.

  • Reflect:

    • Which of the five executive skills are you under-leveraging?

    • Where are you assuming your work speaks for itself?

    • What would change if you were seen as strategic?

  • Don’t wait to be tapped.

    • Start showing up as if you’re already on the executive team.

    • You’ve got this. You can shift how you’re seen.

  • Lead with purpose, presence, and power.

    • Your next promotion is about perception, not just performance.

Get the Latest Leadership Insights in Your Inbox

Need Help Implementing
These Ideas?

Loved this episode but want support applying it?

Explore our coaching programs designed for women leaders in tech.

Executive Coach Toni Collis

265: Be Yourself. Believe in Yourself. Build Big Things with Anna Belova

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Listen Here:

Subscribe & Never Miss an Episode

SHOW NOTES:

You’re not alone. This episode is going to be your go-to toolkit for navigating those high-pressure moments with more clarity and confidence.

In this episode, I unpack what pressure really does to high-achieving women — and more importantly, how to coach yourself through it in real time, even when your heart is racing and your voice feels like it’s vanished. If you’ve ever wanted to feel more grounded, more articulate, and more in control under fire, this one’s for you.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

  • Why freezing, rambling, or going silent is NOT a sign of incompetence
  • How to interrupt the “pressure spiral” before it derails your confidence
  • Micro self-coaching tools — no journaling required
  • Shifting from reactive to grounded leadership in high-stakes situations
  • How to apply my “Hold, Don’t Carry” method so you stop replaying every meeting in your head
  • Using the Say It Like a Leader script pack to pair inner clarity with outer confidence

 

FREE DOWNLOAD

Download the free companion guide:
Say It Like a Leader

Facebook
LinkedIn

TRANSCRIPT

 

  • You’re overperforming. You’ve picked up slack, led initiatives, worked late, and still no promotion.

    • You’re told you’re doing great, but it’s not the right time.

    • Or worse, you receive silence in return.

  • The missing ingredient isn’t your results, it’s a skill gap that impacts many high-performing women.

    • Performance does not equal promotion.

    • Many assume that delivering results alone will get them promoted, but this assumption holds them back.

  • In today’s episode:

    • Why being the best at your job isn’t enough.

    • What does get you seen as strategic and promotable.

    • Introduction of the Promotion Readiness Scorecard.


Sandra’s Story: The Performance vs. Perception Gap

  • Sandra was a marketing team leader at a global SaaS company.

    • She met every deadline, exceeded KPIs, and had her team’s trust.

  • Despite all this, she wasn’t getting promoted.

    • Her boss told her: “You’re excellent, but we need something more strategic.”

    • Sandra thought she was already being strategic by solving problems, managing up, and driving outcomes.

  • The truth was, her leadership potential wasn’t being perceived.

    • She lacked VP or SVP level presence.

    • Many women fall into this trap: doing more than peers but getting passed over.

  • Promotions aren’t based on effort alone.

    • They’re based on perceived readiness to influence and lead at the next level.

    • When you’re always in execution mode, people stop seeing you as strategic.

  • Perception matters.

    • Your performance must be framed, interpreted, and communicated strategically.


The Real Reason You’re Not Getting Promoted

  • Results matter, but not as much as you think.

    • Promotions are based more on perception than output.

    • Especially for women in tech, hustle can work against you.

  • Hustling shows you’re at the end of your bandwidth.

    • Executives want to see strategic potential and composure, not busyness.

  • Promotion requires leadership voice and the ability to influence beyond your role.

    • If you’re not intentionally showing these traits, you won’t be seen as ready.

  • Most people won’t give you actionable feedback.

    • You’ll hear vague responses like “you’re not quite ready.”

  • This disproportionately impacts:

    • Women, especially women of color.

    • Women in technical roles.


The 5 Key Executive-Level Skills

1. Strategic Communication

  • Speak like a leader, not just a reliable executor.

    • Avoid listing completed tasks.

    • Frame updates around business outcomes.

  • Instead of status updates:

    • Show early indicators of success (e.g. reduced churn).

    • Identify trends that impact deliverables and propose solutions.

    • Link backlogs or issues to shifts in customer needs.

  • Strategic communication is:

    • Forward-looking.

    • Insight-driven.

    • Focused on why things matter to the business.

  • Small language shift: Instead of “I completed X,” say “The impact of X is…”

    • Then suggest what to do next.

2. Executive Presence

  • Presence is about trust, not volume.

    • You don’t need to be loud; you need to project calm, clarity, and confidence.

  • In high-stakes meetings:

    • Speak clearly and concisely.

    • Don’t fill silence with nervous talking.

    • Pause, reflect, and respond with intention.

  • When disagreeing:

    • Do so calmly, without defensiveness.

    • Maintain the same demeanor with peers and the CEO.

  • Presence makes others feel grounded and led.

    • It signals you’re ready for complexity and uncertainty.

3. Influence Without Aggression

  • Influence matters more than authority at higher levels.

    • Your ability to build trust and move decisions forward is essential.

  • As a woman in tech:

    • You navigate a tightrope between assertiveness and approachability.

    • Many default to silence or become combative when ideas are challenged.

  • Influence means:

    • Asking bold questions, not making blunt statements.

    • Framing feedback as partnership.

    • Challenging with curiosity, not control.

  • Example language:

    • Instead of “This won’t work,” try “I’m going to offer a different angle…”

    • Instead of “I don’t agree,” say “What outcome are we optimizing for?”

  • Influence is about shaping direction through calm conviction.

4. Forward Thinking and Big Picture Mindset

  • Shift from task execution to strategic thinking.

    • Look ahead, around corners, and across functions.

  • Ask: If your company doubled, what would break first?

    • This helps you think like a strategist.

  • Connect your work to business growth.

    • Advocate for future opportunities and preempt risks.

  • Strategic thinking is learnable.

    • You must carve out time for thinking, not just doing.

    • Promote ideas beyond your department.

5. Self-Regulation Under Pressure

  • Emotional steadiness is critical for executive roles.

    • You must be calm in conflict, stress, and when receiving feedback.

  • If you react emotionally:

    • Others won’t trust you to lead change or handle crisis.

  • Self-regulation looks like:

    • Breathing and pausing before responding.

    • Staying grounded when tension rises.

  • Practice: Pause for three seconds before replying in a heated moment.

    • This simple action helps you regain composure.

  • When you regulate yourself well:

    • You become the leader people look to in hard moments.


Reflecting on the Five Skills

  • If you’re not getting promoted, ask:

    • Are you demonstrating strategic communication?

    • Do you project executive presence?

    • Are you influencing effectively without aggression?

    • Do you show a big picture mindset?

    • Can you self-regulate in pressure situations?

  • Signs you’re missing these signals:

    • Praised, but not invited to strategic conversations.

    • Seen as reliable but not as a visionary.

    • Speak up, but ideas don’t gain traction.

    • Told to be more strategic, but unsure how.

  • These don’t mean you’re failing.

    • They mean you’re playing the wrong game.

    • You need to shift from manager mentality to executive presence.


Take Action: Promotion Readiness Scorecard

  • Don’t guess why you’re not getting promoted.

  • Begin closing the gap today:

    • Speak in outcomes, not tasks.

    • Lead with insight.

    • Frame conversations strategically.

  • Build visibility and influence beyond your boss.

    • Engage with cross-functional teams and skip levels.

    • Be seen as a decision maker, not just a reliable executor.


Final Takeaway

  • You’re likely already over-delivering.

    • But promotion isn’t about doing more.

    • It’s about being seen differently.

  • Reflect:

    • Which of the five executive skills are you under-leveraging?

    • Where are you assuming your work speaks for itself?

    • What would change if you were seen as strategic?

  • Don’t wait to be tapped.

    • Start showing up as if you’re already on the executive team.

    • You’ve got this. You can shift how you’re seen.

  • Lead with purpose, presence, and power.

    • Your next promotion is about perception, not just performance.

Get the Latest Leadership Insights in Your Inbox

Need Help Implementing
These Ideas?

Loved this episode but want support applying it?

Explore our coaching programs designed for women leaders in tech.

Executive Coach Toni Collis

264: Why You’re Not Getting Promoted (Even When You’re Overperforming)

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Ut elit tellus, luctus nec ullamcorper mattis, pulvinar dapibus.

Listen Here:

Subscribe & Never Miss an Episode

SHOW NOTES:

You’re not alone. This episode is going to be your go-to toolkit for navigating those high-pressure moments with more clarity and confidence.

In this episode, I unpack what pressure really does to high-achieving women — and more importantly, how to coach yourself through it in real time, even when your heart is racing and your voice feels like it’s vanished. If you’ve ever wanted to feel more grounded, more articulate, and more in control under fire, this one’s for you.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

  • Why freezing, rambling, or going silent is NOT a sign of incompetence
  • How to interrupt the “pressure spiral” before it derails your confidence
  • Micro self-coaching tools — no journaling required
  • Shifting from reactive to grounded leadership in high-stakes situations
  • How to apply my “Hold, Don’t Carry” method so you stop replaying every meeting in your head
  • Using the Say It Like a Leader script pack to pair inner clarity with outer confidence

 

FREE DOWNLOAD

Download the free companion guide:
Say It Like a Leader

Facebook
LinkedIn

TRANSCRIPT

 

  • You’re overperforming. You’ve picked up slack, led initiatives, worked late, and still no promotion.

    • You’re told you’re doing great, but it’s not the right time.

    • Or worse, you receive silence in return.

  • The missing ingredient isn’t your results, it’s a skill gap that impacts many high-performing women.

    • Performance does not equal promotion.

    • Many assume that delivering results alone will get them promoted, but this assumption holds them back.

  • In today’s episode:

    • Why being the best at your job isn’t enough.

    • What does get you seen as strategic and promotable.

    • Introduction of the Promotion Readiness Scorecard.


Sandra’s Story: The Performance vs. Perception Gap

  • Sandra was a marketing team leader at a global SaaS company.

    • She met every deadline, exceeded KPIs, and had her team’s trust.

  • Despite all this, she wasn’t getting promoted.

    • Her boss told her: “You’re excellent, but we need something more strategic.”

    • Sandra thought she was already being strategic by solving problems, managing up, and driving outcomes.

  • The truth was, her leadership potential wasn’t being perceived.

    • She lacked VP or SVP level presence.

    • Many women fall into this trap: doing more than peers but getting passed over.

  • Promotions aren’t based on effort alone.

    • They’re based on perceived readiness to influence and lead at the next level.

    • When you’re always in execution mode, people stop seeing you as strategic.

  • Perception matters.

    • Your performance must be framed, interpreted, and communicated strategically.


The Real Reason You’re Not Getting Promoted

  • Results matter, but not as much as you think.

    • Promotions are based more on perception than output.

    • Especially for women in tech, hustle can work against you.

  • Hustling shows you’re at the end of your bandwidth.

    • Executives want to see strategic potential and composure, not busyness.

  • Promotion requires leadership voice and the ability to influence beyond your role.

    • If you’re not intentionally showing these traits, you won’t be seen as ready.

  • Most people won’t give you actionable feedback.

    • You’ll hear vague responses like “you’re not quite ready.”

  • This disproportionately impacts:

    • Women, especially women of color.

    • Women in technical roles.


The 5 Key Executive-Level Skills

1. Strategic Communication

  • Speak like a leader, not just a reliable executor.

    • Avoid listing completed tasks.

    • Frame updates around business outcomes.

  • Instead of status updates:

    • Show early indicators of success (e.g. reduced churn).

    • Identify trends that impact deliverables and propose solutions.

    • Link backlogs or issues to shifts in customer needs.

  • Strategic communication is:

    • Forward-looking.

    • Insight-driven.

    • Focused on why things matter to the business.

  • Small language shift: Instead of “I completed X,” say “The impact of X is…”

    • Then suggest what to do next.

2. Executive Presence

  • Presence is about trust, not volume.

    • You don’t need to be loud; you need to project calm, clarity, and confidence.

  • In high-stakes meetings:

    • Speak clearly and concisely.

    • Don’t fill silence with nervous talking.

    • Pause, reflect, and respond with intention.

  • When disagreeing:

    • Do so calmly, without defensiveness.

    • Maintain the same demeanor with peers and the CEO.

  • Presence makes others feel grounded and led.

    • It signals you’re ready for complexity and uncertainty.

3. Influence Without Aggression

  • Influence matters more than authority at higher levels.

    • Your ability to build trust and move decisions forward is essential.

  • As a woman in tech:

    • You navigate a tightrope between assertiveness and approachability.

    • Many default to silence or become combative when ideas are challenged.

  • Influence means:

    • Asking bold questions, not making blunt statements.

    • Framing feedback as partnership.

    • Challenging with curiosity, not control.

  • Example language:

    • Instead of “This won’t work,” try “I’m going to offer a different angle…”

    • Instead of “I don’t agree,” say “What outcome are we optimizing for?”

  • Influence is about shaping direction through calm conviction.

4. Forward Thinking and Big Picture Mindset

  • Shift from task execution to strategic thinking.

    • Look ahead, around corners, and across functions.

  • Ask: If your company doubled, what would break first?

    • This helps you think like a strategist.

  • Connect your work to business growth.

    • Advocate for future opportunities and preempt risks.

  • Strategic thinking is learnable.

    • You must carve out time for thinking, not just doing.

    • Promote ideas beyond your department.

5. Self-Regulation Under Pressure

  • Emotional steadiness is critical for executive roles.

    • You must be calm in conflict, stress, and when receiving feedback.

  • If you react emotionally:

    • Others won’t trust you to lead change or handle crisis.

  • Self-regulation looks like:

    • Breathing and pausing before responding.

    • Staying grounded when tension rises.

  • Practice: Pause for three seconds before replying in a heated moment.

    • This simple action helps you regain composure.

  • When you regulate yourself well:

    • You become the leader people look to in hard moments.


Reflecting on the Five Skills

  • If you’re not getting promoted, ask:

    • Are you demonstrating strategic communication?

    • Do you project executive presence?

    • Are you influencing effectively without aggression?

    • Do you show a big picture mindset?

    • Can you self-regulate in pressure situations?

  • Signs you’re missing these signals:

    • Praised, but not invited to strategic conversations.

    • Seen as reliable but not as a visionary.

    • Speak up, but ideas don’t gain traction.

    • Told to be more strategic, but unsure how.

  • These don’t mean you’re failing.

    • They mean you’re playing the wrong game.

    • You need to shift from manager mentality to executive presence.


Take Action: Promotion Readiness Scorecard

  • Don’t guess why you’re not getting promoted.

  • Begin closing the gap today:

    • Speak in outcomes, not tasks.

    • Lead with insight.

    • Frame conversations strategically.

  • Build visibility and influence beyond your boss.

    • Engage with cross-functional teams and skip levels.

    • Be seen as a decision maker, not just a reliable executor.


Final Takeaway

  • You’re likely already over-delivering.

    • But promotion isn’t about doing more.

    • It’s about being seen differently.

  • Reflect:

    • Which of the five executive skills are you under-leveraging?

    • Where are you assuming your work speaks for itself?

    • What would change if you were seen as strategic?

  • Don’t wait to be tapped.

    • Start showing up as if you’re already on the executive team.

    • You’ve got this. You can shift how you’re seen.

  • Lead with purpose, presence, and power.

    • Your next promotion is about perception, not just performance.

Get the Latest Leadership Insights in Your Inbox

Need Help Implementing
These Ideas?

Loved this episode but want support applying it?

Explore our coaching programs designed for women leaders in tech.

Executive Coach Toni Collis

263: Breaking Out of Your Comfort Zone: Emily Dinu on Mindset, Grit, and Preparing for Venture Funding

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Listen Here:

Subscribe & Never Miss an Episode

SHOW NOTES:

You’re not alone. This episode is going to be your go-to toolkit for navigating those high-pressure moments with more clarity and confidence.

In this episode, I unpack what pressure really does to high-achieving women — and more importantly, how to coach yourself through it in real time, even when your heart is racing and your voice feels like it’s vanished. If you’ve ever wanted to feel more grounded, more articulate, and more in control under fire, this one’s for you.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

  • Why freezing, rambling, or going silent is NOT a sign of incompetence
  • How to interrupt the “pressure spiral” before it derails your confidence
  • Micro self-coaching tools — no journaling required
  • Shifting from reactive to grounded leadership in high-stakes situations
  • How to apply my “Hold, Don’t Carry” method so you stop replaying every meeting in your head
  • Using the Say It Like a Leader script pack to pair inner clarity with outer confidence

 

FREE DOWNLOAD

Download the free companion guide:
Say It Like a Leader

Facebook
LinkedIn

TRANSCRIPT

 

  • You’re overperforming. You’ve picked up slack, led initiatives, worked late, and still no promotion.

    • You’re told you’re doing great, but it’s not the right time.

    • Or worse, you receive silence in return.

  • The missing ingredient isn’t your results, it’s a skill gap that impacts many high-performing women.

    • Performance does not equal promotion.

    • Many assume that delivering results alone will get them promoted, but this assumption holds them back.

  • In today’s episode:

    • Why being the best at your job isn’t enough.

    • What does get you seen as strategic and promotable.

    • Introduction of the Promotion Readiness Scorecard.


Sandra’s Story: The Performance vs. Perception Gap

  • Sandra was a marketing team leader at a global SaaS company.

    • She met every deadline, exceeded KPIs, and had her team’s trust.

  • Despite all this, she wasn’t getting promoted.

    • Her boss told her: “You’re excellent, but we need something more strategic.”

    • Sandra thought she was already being strategic by solving problems, managing up, and driving outcomes.

  • The truth was, her leadership potential wasn’t being perceived.

    • She lacked VP or SVP level presence.

    • Many women fall into this trap: doing more than peers but getting passed over.

  • Promotions aren’t based on effort alone.

    • They’re based on perceived readiness to influence and lead at the next level.

    • When you’re always in execution mode, people stop seeing you as strategic.

  • Perception matters.

    • Your performance must be framed, interpreted, and communicated strategically.


The Real Reason You’re Not Getting Promoted

  • Results matter, but not as much as you think.

    • Promotions are based more on perception than output.

    • Especially for women in tech, hustle can work against you.

  • Hustling shows you’re at the end of your bandwidth.

    • Executives want to see strategic potential and composure, not busyness.

  • Promotion requires leadership voice and the ability to influence beyond your role.

    • If you’re not intentionally showing these traits, you won’t be seen as ready.

  • Most people won’t give you actionable feedback.

    • You’ll hear vague responses like “you’re not quite ready.”

  • This disproportionately impacts:

    • Women, especially women of color.

    • Women in technical roles.


The 5 Key Executive-Level Skills

1. Strategic Communication

  • Speak like a leader, not just a reliable executor.

    • Avoid listing completed tasks.

    • Frame updates around business outcomes.

  • Instead of status updates:

    • Show early indicators of success (e.g. reduced churn).

    • Identify trends that impact deliverables and propose solutions.

    • Link backlogs or issues to shifts in customer needs.

  • Strategic communication is:

    • Forward-looking.

    • Insight-driven.

    • Focused on why things matter to the business.

  • Small language shift: Instead of “I completed X,” say “The impact of X is…”

    • Then suggest what to do next.

2. Executive Presence

  • Presence is about trust, not volume.

    • You don’t need to be loud; you need to project calm, clarity, and confidence.

  • In high-stakes meetings:

    • Speak clearly and concisely.

    • Don’t fill silence with nervous talking.

    • Pause, reflect, and respond with intention.

  • When disagreeing:

    • Do so calmly, without defensiveness.

    • Maintain the same demeanor with peers and the CEO.

  • Presence makes others feel grounded and led.

    • It signals you’re ready for complexity and uncertainty.

3. Influence Without Aggression

  • Influence matters more than authority at higher levels.

    • Your ability to build trust and move decisions forward is essential.

  • As a woman in tech:

    • You navigate a tightrope between assertiveness and approachability.

    • Many default to silence or become combative when ideas are challenged.

  • Influence means:

    • Asking bold questions, not making blunt statements.

    • Framing feedback as partnership.

    • Challenging with curiosity, not control.

  • Example language:

    • Instead of “This won’t work,” try “I’m going to offer a different angle…”

    • Instead of “I don’t agree,” say “What outcome are we optimizing for?”

  • Influence is about shaping direction through calm conviction.

4. Forward Thinking and Big Picture Mindset

  • Shift from task execution to strategic thinking.

    • Look ahead, around corners, and across functions.

  • Ask: If your company doubled, what would break first?

    • This helps you think like a strategist.

  • Connect your work to business growth.

    • Advocate for future opportunities and preempt risks.

  • Strategic thinking is learnable.

    • You must carve out time for thinking, not just doing.

    • Promote ideas beyond your department.

5. Self-Regulation Under Pressure

  • Emotional steadiness is critical for executive roles.

    • You must be calm in conflict, stress, and when receiving feedback.

  • If you react emotionally:

    • Others won’t trust you to lead change or handle crisis.

  • Self-regulation looks like:

    • Breathing and pausing before responding.

    • Staying grounded when tension rises.

  • Practice: Pause for three seconds before replying in a heated moment.

    • This simple action helps you regain composure.

  • When you regulate yourself well:

    • You become the leader people look to in hard moments.


Reflecting on the Five Skills

  • If you’re not getting promoted, ask:

    • Are you demonstrating strategic communication?

    • Do you project executive presence?

    • Are you influencing effectively without aggression?

    • Do you show a big picture mindset?

    • Can you self-regulate in pressure situations?

  • Signs you’re missing these signals:

    • Praised, but not invited to strategic conversations.

    • Seen as reliable but not as a visionary.

    • Speak up, but ideas don’t gain traction.

    • Told to be more strategic, but unsure how.

  • These don’t mean you’re failing.

    • They mean you’re playing the wrong game.

    • You need to shift from manager mentality to executive presence.


Take Action: Promotion Readiness Scorecard

  • Don’t guess why you’re not getting promoted.

  • Begin closing the gap today:

    • Speak in outcomes, not tasks.

    • Lead with insight.

    • Frame conversations strategically.

  • Build visibility and influence beyond your boss.

    • Engage with cross-functional teams and skip levels.

    • Be seen as a decision maker, not just a reliable executor.


Final Takeaway

  • You’re likely already over-delivering.

    • But promotion isn’t about doing more.

    • It’s about being seen differently.

  • Reflect:

    • Which of the five executive skills are you under-leveraging?

    • Where are you assuming your work speaks for itself?

    • What would change if you were seen as strategic?

  • Don’t wait to be tapped.

    • Start showing up as if you’re already on the executive team.

    • You’ve got this. You can shift how you’re seen.

  • Lead with purpose, presence, and power.

    • Your next promotion is about perception, not just performance.

Get the Latest Leadership Insights in Your Inbox

Need Help Implementing
These Ideas?

Loved this episode but want support applying it?

Explore our coaching programs designed for women leaders in tech.

Executive Coach Toni Collis

262: How to Disagree with Your Boss and Not Lose Your Job

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Listen Here:

Subscribe & Never Miss an Episode

SHOW NOTES:

You’re not alone. This episode is going to be your go-to toolkit for navigating those high-pressure moments with more clarity and confidence.

In this episode, I unpack what pressure really does to high-achieving women — and more importantly, how to coach yourself through it in real time, even when your heart is racing and your voice feels like it’s vanished. If you’ve ever wanted to feel more grounded, more articulate, and more in control under fire, this one’s for you.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

  • Why freezing, rambling, or going silent is NOT a sign of incompetence
  • How to interrupt the “pressure spiral” before it derails your confidence
  • Micro self-coaching tools — no journaling required
  • Shifting from reactive to grounded leadership in high-stakes situations
  • How to apply my “Hold, Don’t Carry” method so you stop replaying every meeting in your head
  • Using the Say It Like a Leader script pack to pair inner clarity with outer confidence

 

FREE DOWNLOAD

Download the free companion guide:
Say It Like a Leader

Facebook
LinkedIn

TRANSCRIPT

 

  • You’re overperforming. You’ve picked up slack, led initiatives, worked late, and still no promotion.

    • You’re told you’re doing great, but it’s not the right time.

    • Or worse, you receive silence in return.

  • The missing ingredient isn’t your results, it’s a skill gap that impacts many high-performing women.

    • Performance does not equal promotion.

    • Many assume that delivering results alone will get them promoted, but this assumption holds them back.

  • In today’s episode:

    • Why being the best at your job isn’t enough.

    • What does get you seen as strategic and promotable.

    • Introduction of the Promotion Readiness Scorecard.


Sandra’s Story: The Performance vs. Perception Gap

  • Sandra was a marketing team leader at a global SaaS company.

    • She met every deadline, exceeded KPIs, and had her team’s trust.

  • Despite all this, she wasn’t getting promoted.

    • Her boss told her: “You’re excellent, but we need something more strategic.”

    • Sandra thought she was already being strategic by solving problems, managing up, and driving outcomes.

  • The truth was, her leadership potential wasn’t being perceived.

    • She lacked VP or SVP level presence.

    • Many women fall into this trap: doing more than peers but getting passed over.

  • Promotions aren’t based on effort alone.

    • They’re based on perceived readiness to influence and lead at the next level.

    • When you’re always in execution mode, people stop seeing you as strategic.

  • Perception matters.

    • Your performance must be framed, interpreted, and communicated strategically.


The Real Reason You’re Not Getting Promoted

  • Results matter, but not as much as you think.

    • Promotions are based more on perception than output.

    • Especially for women in tech, hustle can work against you.

  • Hustling shows you’re at the end of your bandwidth.

    • Executives want to see strategic potential and composure, not busyness.

  • Promotion requires leadership voice and the ability to influence beyond your role.

    • If you’re not intentionally showing these traits, you won’t be seen as ready.

  • Most people won’t give you actionable feedback.

    • You’ll hear vague responses like “you’re not quite ready.”

  • This disproportionately impacts:

    • Women, especially women of color.

    • Women in technical roles.


The 5 Key Executive-Level Skills

1. Strategic Communication

  • Speak like a leader, not just a reliable executor.

    • Avoid listing completed tasks.

    • Frame updates around business outcomes.

  • Instead of status updates:

    • Show early indicators of success (e.g. reduced churn).

    • Identify trends that impact deliverables and propose solutions.

    • Link backlogs or issues to shifts in customer needs.

  • Strategic communication is:

    • Forward-looking.

    • Insight-driven.

    • Focused on why things matter to the business.

  • Small language shift: Instead of “I completed X,” say “The impact of X is…”

    • Then suggest what to do next.

2. Executive Presence

  • Presence is about trust, not volume.

    • You don’t need to be loud; you need to project calm, clarity, and confidence.

  • In high-stakes meetings:

    • Speak clearly and concisely.

    • Don’t fill silence with nervous talking.

    • Pause, reflect, and respond with intention.

  • When disagreeing:

    • Do so calmly, without defensiveness.

    • Maintain the same demeanor with peers and the CEO.

  • Presence makes others feel grounded and led.

    • It signals you’re ready for complexity and uncertainty.

3. Influence Without Aggression

  • Influence matters more than authority at higher levels.

    • Your ability to build trust and move decisions forward is essential.

  • As a woman in tech:

    • You navigate a tightrope between assertiveness and approachability.

    • Many default to silence or become combative when ideas are challenged.

  • Influence means:

    • Asking bold questions, not making blunt statements.

    • Framing feedback as partnership.

    • Challenging with curiosity, not control.

  • Example language:

    • Instead of “This won’t work,” try “I’m going to offer a different angle…”

    • Instead of “I don’t agree,” say “What outcome are we optimizing for?”

  • Influence is about shaping direction through calm conviction.

4. Forward Thinking and Big Picture Mindset

  • Shift from task execution to strategic thinking.

    • Look ahead, around corners, and across functions.

  • Ask: If your company doubled, what would break first?

    • This helps you think like a strategist.

  • Connect your work to business growth.

    • Advocate for future opportunities and preempt risks.

  • Strategic thinking is learnable.

    • You must carve out time for thinking, not just doing.

    • Promote ideas beyond your department.

5. Self-Regulation Under Pressure

  • Emotional steadiness is critical for executive roles.

    • You must be calm in conflict, stress, and when receiving feedback.

  • If you react emotionally:

    • Others won’t trust you to lead change or handle crisis.

  • Self-regulation looks like:

    • Breathing and pausing before responding.

    • Staying grounded when tension rises.

  • Practice: Pause for three seconds before replying in a heated moment.

    • This simple action helps you regain composure.

  • When you regulate yourself well:

    • You become the leader people look to in hard moments.


Reflecting on the Five Skills

  • If you’re not getting promoted, ask:

    • Are you demonstrating strategic communication?

    • Do you project executive presence?

    • Are you influencing effectively without aggression?

    • Do you show a big picture mindset?

    • Can you self-regulate in pressure situations?

  • Signs you’re missing these signals:

    • Praised, but not invited to strategic conversations.

    • Seen as reliable but not as a visionary.

    • Speak up, but ideas don’t gain traction.

    • Told to be more strategic, but unsure how.

  • These don’t mean you’re failing.

    • They mean you’re playing the wrong game.

    • You need to shift from manager mentality to executive presence.


Take Action: Promotion Readiness Scorecard

  • Don’t guess why you’re not getting promoted.

  • Begin closing the gap today:

    • Speak in outcomes, not tasks.

    • Lead with insight.

    • Frame conversations strategically.

  • Build visibility and influence beyond your boss.

    • Engage with cross-functional teams and skip levels.

    • Be seen as a decision maker, not just a reliable executor.


Final Takeaway

  • You’re likely already over-delivering.

    • But promotion isn’t about doing more.

    • It’s about being seen differently.

  • Reflect:

    • Which of the five executive skills are you under-leveraging?

    • Where are you assuming your work speaks for itself?

    • What would change if you were seen as strategic?

  • Don’t wait to be tapped.

    • Start showing up as if you’re already on the executive team.

    • You’ve got this. You can shift how you’re seen.

  • Lead with purpose, presence, and power.

    • Your next promotion is about perception, not just performance.

Get the Latest Leadership Insights in Your Inbox

Need Help Implementing
These Ideas?

Loved this episode but want support applying it?

Explore our coaching programs designed for women leaders in tech.

Executive Coach Toni Collis

261: Leading Smarter, Not Harder with Amber Winter

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Listen Here:

Subscribe & Never Miss an Episode

SHOW NOTES:

You’re not alone. This episode is going to be your go-to toolkit for navigating those high-pressure moments with more clarity and confidence.

In this episode, I unpack what pressure really does to high-achieving women — and more importantly, how to coach yourself through it in real time, even when your heart is racing and your voice feels like it’s vanished. If you’ve ever wanted to feel more grounded, more articulate, and more in control under fire, this one’s for you.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

  • Why freezing, rambling, or going silent is NOT a sign of incompetence
  • How to interrupt the “pressure spiral” before it derails your confidence
  • Micro self-coaching tools — no journaling required
  • Shifting from reactive to grounded leadership in high-stakes situations
  • How to apply my “Hold, Don’t Carry” method so you stop replaying every meeting in your head
  • Using the Say It Like a Leader script pack to pair inner clarity with outer confidence

 

FREE DOWNLOAD

Download the free companion guide:
Say It Like a Leader

Facebook
LinkedIn

TRANSCRIPT

 

  • You’re overperforming. You’ve picked up slack, led initiatives, worked late, and still no promotion.

    • You’re told you’re doing great, but it’s not the right time.

    • Or worse, you receive silence in return.

  • The missing ingredient isn’t your results, it’s a skill gap that impacts many high-performing women.

    • Performance does not equal promotion.

    • Many assume that delivering results alone will get them promoted, but this assumption holds them back.

  • In today’s episode:

    • Why being the best at your job isn’t enough.

    • What does get you seen as strategic and promotable.

    • Introduction of the Promotion Readiness Scorecard.


Sandra’s Story: The Performance vs. Perception Gap

  • Sandra was a marketing team leader at a global SaaS company.

    • She met every deadline, exceeded KPIs, and had her team’s trust.

  • Despite all this, she wasn’t getting promoted.

    • Her boss told her: “You’re excellent, but we need something more strategic.”

    • Sandra thought she was already being strategic by solving problems, managing up, and driving outcomes.

  • The truth was, her leadership potential wasn’t being perceived.

    • She lacked VP or SVP level presence.

    • Many women fall into this trap: doing more than peers but getting passed over.

  • Promotions aren’t based on effort alone.

    • They’re based on perceived readiness to influence and lead at the next level.

    • When you’re always in execution mode, people stop seeing you as strategic.

  • Perception matters.

    • Your performance must be framed, interpreted, and communicated strategically.


The Real Reason You’re Not Getting Promoted

  • Results matter, but not as much as you think.

    • Promotions are based more on perception than output.

    • Especially for women in tech, hustle can work against you.

  • Hustling shows you’re at the end of your bandwidth.

    • Executives want to see strategic potential and composure, not busyness.

  • Promotion requires leadership voice and the ability to influence beyond your role.

    • If you’re not intentionally showing these traits, you won’t be seen as ready.

  • Most people won’t give you actionable feedback.

    • You’ll hear vague responses like “you’re not quite ready.”

  • This disproportionately impacts:

    • Women, especially women of color.

    • Women in technical roles.


The 5 Key Executive-Level Skills

1. Strategic Communication

  • Speak like a leader, not just a reliable executor.

    • Avoid listing completed tasks.

    • Frame updates around business outcomes.

  • Instead of status updates:

    • Show early indicators of success (e.g. reduced churn).

    • Identify trends that impact deliverables and propose solutions.

    • Link backlogs or issues to shifts in customer needs.

  • Strategic communication is:

    • Forward-looking.

    • Insight-driven.

    • Focused on why things matter to the business.

  • Small language shift: Instead of “I completed X,” say “The impact of X is…”

    • Then suggest what to do next.

2. Executive Presence

  • Presence is about trust, not volume.

    • You don’t need to be loud; you need to project calm, clarity, and confidence.

  • In high-stakes meetings:

    • Speak clearly and concisely.

    • Don’t fill silence with nervous talking.

    • Pause, reflect, and respond with intention.

  • When disagreeing:

    • Do so calmly, without defensiveness.

    • Maintain the same demeanor with peers and the CEO.

  • Presence makes others feel grounded and led.

    • It signals you’re ready for complexity and uncertainty.

3. Influence Without Aggression

  • Influence matters more than authority at higher levels.

    • Your ability to build trust and move decisions forward is essential.

  • As a woman in tech:

    • You navigate a tightrope between assertiveness and approachability.

    • Many default to silence or become combative when ideas are challenged.

  • Influence means:

    • Asking bold questions, not making blunt statements.

    • Framing feedback as partnership.

    • Challenging with curiosity, not control.

  • Example language:

    • Instead of “This won’t work,” try “I’m going to offer a different angle…”

    • Instead of “I don’t agree,” say “What outcome are we optimizing for?”

  • Influence is about shaping direction through calm conviction.

4. Forward Thinking and Big Picture Mindset

  • Shift from task execution to strategic thinking.

    • Look ahead, around corners, and across functions.

  • Ask: If your company doubled, what would break first?

    • This helps you think like a strategist.

  • Connect your work to business growth.

    • Advocate for future opportunities and preempt risks.

  • Strategic thinking is learnable.

    • You must carve out time for thinking, not just doing.

    • Promote ideas beyond your department.

5. Self-Regulation Under Pressure

  • Emotional steadiness is critical for executive roles.

    • You must be calm in conflict, stress, and when receiving feedback.

  • If you react emotionally:

    • Others won’t trust you to lead change or handle crisis.

  • Self-regulation looks like:

    • Breathing and pausing before responding.

    • Staying grounded when tension rises.

  • Practice: Pause for three seconds before replying in a heated moment.

    • This simple action helps you regain composure.

  • When you regulate yourself well:

    • You become the leader people look to in hard moments.


Reflecting on the Five Skills

  • If you’re not getting promoted, ask:

    • Are you demonstrating strategic communication?

    • Do you project executive presence?

    • Are you influencing effectively without aggression?

    • Do you show a big picture mindset?

    • Can you self-regulate in pressure situations?

  • Signs you’re missing these signals:

    • Praised, but not invited to strategic conversations.

    • Seen as reliable but not as a visionary.

    • Speak up, but ideas don’t gain traction.

    • Told to be more strategic, but unsure how.

  • These don’t mean you’re failing.

    • They mean you’re playing the wrong game.

    • You need to shift from manager mentality to executive presence.


Take Action: Promotion Readiness Scorecard

  • Don’t guess why you’re not getting promoted.

  • Begin closing the gap today:

    • Speak in outcomes, not tasks.

    • Lead with insight.

    • Frame conversations strategically.

  • Build visibility and influence beyond your boss.

    • Engage with cross-functional teams and skip levels.

    • Be seen as a decision maker, not just a reliable executor.


Final Takeaway

  • You’re likely already over-delivering.

    • But promotion isn’t about doing more.

    • It’s about being seen differently.

  • Reflect:

    • Which of the five executive skills are you under-leveraging?

    • Where are you assuming your work speaks for itself?

    • What would change if you were seen as strategic?

  • Don’t wait to be tapped.

    • Start showing up as if you’re already on the executive team.

    • You’ve got this. You can shift how you’re seen.

  • Lead with purpose, presence, and power.

    • Your next promotion is about perception, not just performance.

Get the Latest Leadership Insights in Your Inbox

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These Ideas?

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Executive Coach Toni Collis

260: How to Be Professionally Blunt (Without Being Rude) | Leadership Communication Skills for Women in Tech

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Listen Here:

Subscribe & Never Miss an Episode

SHOW NOTES:

You’re not alone. This episode is going to be your go-to toolkit for navigating those high-pressure moments with more clarity and confidence.

In this episode, I unpack what pressure really does to high-achieving women — and more importantly, how to coach yourself through it in real time, even when your heart is racing and your voice feels like it’s vanished. If you’ve ever wanted to feel more grounded, more articulate, and more in control under fire, this one’s for you.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

  • Why freezing, rambling, or going silent is NOT a sign of incompetence
  • How to interrupt the “pressure spiral” before it derails your confidence
  • Micro self-coaching tools — no journaling required
  • Shifting from reactive to grounded leadership in high-stakes situations
  • How to apply my “Hold, Don’t Carry” method so you stop replaying every meeting in your head
  • Using the Say It Like a Leader script pack to pair inner clarity with outer confidence

 

FREE DOWNLOAD

Download the free companion guide:
Say It Like a Leader

Facebook
LinkedIn

TRANSCRIPT

 

  • You’re overperforming. You’ve picked up slack, led initiatives, worked late, and still no promotion.

    • You’re told you’re doing great, but it’s not the right time.

    • Or worse, you receive silence in return.

  • The missing ingredient isn’t your results, it’s a skill gap that impacts many high-performing women.

    • Performance does not equal promotion.

    • Many assume that delivering results alone will get them promoted, but this assumption holds them back.

  • In today’s episode:

    • Why being the best at your job isn’t enough.

    • What does get you seen as strategic and promotable.

    • Introduction of the Promotion Readiness Scorecard.


Sandra’s Story: The Performance vs. Perception Gap

  • Sandra was a marketing team leader at a global SaaS company.

    • She met every deadline, exceeded KPIs, and had her team’s trust.

  • Despite all this, she wasn’t getting promoted.

    • Her boss told her: “You’re excellent, but we need something more strategic.”

    • Sandra thought she was already being strategic by solving problems, managing up, and driving outcomes.

  • The truth was, her leadership potential wasn’t being perceived.

    • She lacked VP or SVP level presence.

    • Many women fall into this trap: doing more than peers but getting passed over.

  • Promotions aren’t based on effort alone.

    • They’re based on perceived readiness to influence and lead at the next level.

    • When you’re always in execution mode, people stop seeing you as strategic.

  • Perception matters.

    • Your performance must be framed, interpreted, and communicated strategically.


The Real Reason You’re Not Getting Promoted

  • Results matter, but not as much as you think.

    • Promotions are based more on perception than output.

    • Especially for women in tech, hustle can work against you.

  • Hustling shows you’re at the end of your bandwidth.

    • Executives want to see strategic potential and composure, not busyness.

  • Promotion requires leadership voice and the ability to influence beyond your role.

    • If you’re not intentionally showing these traits, you won’t be seen as ready.

  • Most people won’t give you actionable feedback.

    • You’ll hear vague responses like “you’re not quite ready.”

  • This disproportionately impacts:

    • Women, especially women of color.

    • Women in technical roles.


The 5 Key Executive-Level Skills

1. Strategic Communication

  • Speak like a leader, not just a reliable executor.

    • Avoid listing completed tasks.

    • Frame updates around business outcomes.

  • Instead of status updates:

    • Show early indicators of success (e.g. reduced churn).

    • Identify trends that impact deliverables and propose solutions.

    • Link backlogs or issues to shifts in customer needs.

  • Strategic communication is:

    • Forward-looking.

    • Insight-driven.

    • Focused on why things matter to the business.

  • Small language shift: Instead of “I completed X,” say “The impact of X is…”

    • Then suggest what to do next.

2. Executive Presence

  • Presence is about trust, not volume.

    • You don’t need to be loud; you need to project calm, clarity, and confidence.

  • In high-stakes meetings:

    • Speak clearly and concisely.

    • Don’t fill silence with nervous talking.

    • Pause, reflect, and respond with intention.

  • When disagreeing:

    • Do so calmly, without defensiveness.

    • Maintain the same demeanor with peers and the CEO.

  • Presence makes others feel grounded and led.

    • It signals you’re ready for complexity and uncertainty.

3. Influence Without Aggression

  • Influence matters more than authority at higher levels.

    • Your ability to build trust and move decisions forward is essential.

  • As a woman in tech:

    • You navigate a tightrope between assertiveness and approachability.

    • Many default to silence or become combative when ideas are challenged.

  • Influence means:

    • Asking bold questions, not making blunt statements.

    • Framing feedback as partnership.

    • Challenging with curiosity, not control.

  • Example language:

    • Instead of “This won’t work,” try “I’m going to offer a different angle…”

    • Instead of “I don’t agree,” say “What outcome are we optimizing for?”

  • Influence is about shaping direction through calm conviction.

4. Forward Thinking and Big Picture Mindset

  • Shift from task execution to strategic thinking.

    • Look ahead, around corners, and across functions.

  • Ask: If your company doubled, what would break first?

    • This helps you think like a strategist.

  • Connect your work to business growth.

    • Advocate for future opportunities and preempt risks.

  • Strategic thinking is learnable.

    • You must carve out time for thinking, not just doing.

    • Promote ideas beyond your department.

5. Self-Regulation Under Pressure

  • Emotional steadiness is critical for executive roles.

    • You must be calm in conflict, stress, and when receiving feedback.

  • If you react emotionally:

    • Others won’t trust you to lead change or handle crisis.

  • Self-regulation looks like:

    • Breathing and pausing before responding.

    • Staying grounded when tension rises.

  • Practice: Pause for three seconds before replying in a heated moment.

    • This simple action helps you regain composure.

  • When you regulate yourself well:

    • You become the leader people look to in hard moments.


Reflecting on the Five Skills

  • If you’re not getting promoted, ask:

    • Are you demonstrating strategic communication?

    • Do you project executive presence?

    • Are you influencing effectively without aggression?

    • Do you show a big picture mindset?

    • Can you self-regulate in pressure situations?

  • Signs you’re missing these signals:

    • Praised, but not invited to strategic conversations.

    • Seen as reliable but not as a visionary.

    • Speak up, but ideas don’t gain traction.

    • Told to be more strategic, but unsure how.

  • These don’t mean you’re failing.

    • They mean you’re playing the wrong game.

    • You need to shift from manager mentality to executive presence.


Take Action: Promotion Readiness Scorecard

  • Don’t guess why you’re not getting promoted.

  • Begin closing the gap today:

    • Speak in outcomes, not tasks.

    • Lead with insight.

    • Frame conversations strategically.

  • Build visibility and influence beyond your boss.

    • Engage with cross-functional teams and skip levels.

    • Be seen as a decision maker, not just a reliable executor.


Final Takeaway

  • You’re likely already over-delivering.

    • But promotion isn’t about doing more.

    • It’s about being seen differently.

  • Reflect:

    • Which of the five executive skills are you under-leveraging?

    • Where are you assuming your work speaks for itself?

    • What would change if you were seen as strategic?

  • Don’t wait to be tapped.

    • Start showing up as if you’re already on the executive team.

    • You’ve got this. You can shift how you’re seen.

  • Lead with purpose, presence, and power.

    • Your next promotion is about perception, not just performance.

Get the Latest Leadership Insights in Your Inbox

Need Help Implementing
These Ideas?

Loved this episode but want support applying it?

Explore our coaching programs designed for women leaders in tech.

Executive Coach Toni Collis

259: From Startup to Strategy: How to Spot Strategic Gaps & Lead with Confidence with Ashley Wright

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Listen Here:

Subscribe & Never Miss an Episode

SHOW NOTES:

You’re not alone. This episode is going to be your go-to toolkit for navigating those high-pressure moments with more clarity and confidence.

In this episode, I unpack what pressure really does to high-achieving women — and more importantly, how to coach yourself through it in real time, even when your heart is racing and your voice feels like it’s vanished. If you’ve ever wanted to feel more grounded, more articulate, and more in control under fire, this one’s for you.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

  • Why freezing, rambling, or going silent is NOT a sign of incompetence
  • How to interrupt the “pressure spiral” before it derails your confidence
  • Micro self-coaching tools — no journaling required
  • Shifting from reactive to grounded leadership in high-stakes situations
  • How to apply my “Hold, Don’t Carry” method so you stop replaying every meeting in your head
  • Using the Say It Like a Leader script pack to pair inner clarity with outer confidence

 

FREE DOWNLOAD

Download the free companion guide:
Say It Like a Leader

Facebook
LinkedIn

TRANSCRIPT

 

  • You’re overperforming. You’ve picked up slack, led initiatives, worked late, and still no promotion.

    • You’re told you’re doing great, but it’s not the right time.

    • Or worse, you receive silence in return.

  • The missing ingredient isn’t your results, it’s a skill gap that impacts many high-performing women.

    • Performance does not equal promotion.

    • Many assume that delivering results alone will get them promoted, but this assumption holds them back.

  • In today’s episode:

    • Why being the best at your job isn’t enough.

    • What does get you seen as strategic and promotable.

    • Introduction of the Promotion Readiness Scorecard.


Sandra’s Story: The Performance vs. Perception Gap

  • Sandra was a marketing team leader at a global SaaS company.

    • She met every deadline, exceeded KPIs, and had her team’s trust.

  • Despite all this, she wasn’t getting promoted.

    • Her boss told her: “You’re excellent, but we need something more strategic.”

    • Sandra thought she was already being strategic by solving problems, managing up, and driving outcomes.

  • The truth was, her leadership potential wasn’t being perceived.

    • She lacked VP or SVP level presence.

    • Many women fall into this trap: doing more than peers but getting passed over.

  • Promotions aren’t based on effort alone.

    • They’re based on perceived readiness to influence and lead at the next level.

    • When you’re always in execution mode, people stop seeing you as strategic.

  • Perception matters.

    • Your performance must be framed, interpreted, and communicated strategically.


The Real Reason You’re Not Getting Promoted

  • Results matter, but not as much as you think.

    • Promotions are based more on perception than output.

    • Especially for women in tech, hustle can work against you.

  • Hustling shows you’re at the end of your bandwidth.

    • Executives want to see strategic potential and composure, not busyness.

  • Promotion requires leadership voice and the ability to influence beyond your role.

    • If you’re not intentionally showing these traits, you won’t be seen as ready.

  • Most people won’t give you actionable feedback.

    • You’ll hear vague responses like “you’re not quite ready.”

  • This disproportionately impacts:

    • Women, especially women of color.

    • Women in technical roles.


The 5 Key Executive-Level Skills

1. Strategic Communication

  • Speak like a leader, not just a reliable executor.

    • Avoid listing completed tasks.

    • Frame updates around business outcomes.

  • Instead of status updates:

    • Show early indicators of success (e.g. reduced churn).

    • Identify trends that impact deliverables and propose solutions.

    • Link backlogs or issues to shifts in customer needs.

  • Strategic communication is:

    • Forward-looking.

    • Insight-driven.

    • Focused on why things matter to the business.

  • Small language shift: Instead of “I completed X,” say “The impact of X is…”

    • Then suggest what to do next.

2. Executive Presence

  • Presence is about trust, not volume.

    • You don’t need to be loud; you need to project calm, clarity, and confidence.

  • In high-stakes meetings:

    • Speak clearly and concisely.

    • Don’t fill silence with nervous talking.

    • Pause, reflect, and respond with intention.

  • When disagreeing:

    • Do so calmly, without defensiveness.

    • Maintain the same demeanor with peers and the CEO.

  • Presence makes others feel grounded and led.

    • It signals you’re ready for complexity and uncertainty.

3. Influence Without Aggression

  • Influence matters more than authority at higher levels.

    • Your ability to build trust and move decisions forward is essential.

  • As a woman in tech:

    • You navigate a tightrope between assertiveness and approachability.

    • Many default to silence or become combative when ideas are challenged.

  • Influence means:

    • Asking bold questions, not making blunt statements.

    • Framing feedback as partnership.

    • Challenging with curiosity, not control.

  • Example language:

    • Instead of “This won’t work,” try “I’m going to offer a different angle…”

    • Instead of “I don’t agree,” say “What outcome are we optimizing for?”

  • Influence is about shaping direction through calm conviction.

4. Forward Thinking and Big Picture Mindset

  • Shift from task execution to strategic thinking.

    • Look ahead, around corners, and across functions.

  • Ask: If your company doubled, what would break first?

    • This helps you think like a strategist.

  • Connect your work to business growth.

    • Advocate for future opportunities and preempt risks.

  • Strategic thinking is learnable.

    • You must carve out time for thinking, not just doing.

    • Promote ideas beyond your department.

5. Self-Regulation Under Pressure

  • Emotional steadiness is critical for executive roles.

    • You must be calm in conflict, stress, and when receiving feedback.

  • If you react emotionally:

    • Others won’t trust you to lead change or handle crisis.

  • Self-regulation looks like:

    • Breathing and pausing before responding.

    • Staying grounded when tension rises.

  • Practice: Pause for three seconds before replying in a heated moment.

    • This simple action helps you regain composure.

  • When you regulate yourself well:

    • You become the leader people look to in hard moments.


Reflecting on the Five Skills

  • If you’re not getting promoted, ask:

    • Are you demonstrating strategic communication?

    • Do you project executive presence?

    • Are you influencing effectively without aggression?

    • Do you show a big picture mindset?

    • Can you self-regulate in pressure situations?

  • Signs you’re missing these signals:

    • Praised, but not invited to strategic conversations.

    • Seen as reliable but not as a visionary.

    • Speak up, but ideas don’t gain traction.

    • Told to be more strategic, but unsure how.

  • These don’t mean you’re failing.

    • They mean you’re playing the wrong game.

    • You need to shift from manager mentality to executive presence.


Take Action: Promotion Readiness Scorecard

  • Don’t guess why you’re not getting promoted.

  • Begin closing the gap today:

    • Speak in outcomes, not tasks.

    • Lead with insight.

    • Frame conversations strategically.

  • Build visibility and influence beyond your boss.

    • Engage with cross-functional teams and skip levels.

    • Be seen as a decision maker, not just a reliable executor.


Final Takeaway

  • You’re likely already over-delivering.

    • But promotion isn’t about doing more.

    • It’s about being seen differently.

  • Reflect:

    • Which of the five executive skills are you under-leveraging?

    • Where are you assuming your work speaks for itself?

    • What would change if you were seen as strategic?

  • Don’t wait to be tapped.

    • Start showing up as if you’re already on the executive team.

    • You’ve got this. You can shift how you’re seen.

  • Lead with purpose, presence, and power.

    • Your next promotion is about perception, not just performance.

Get the Latest Leadership Insights in Your Inbox

Need Help Implementing
These Ideas?

Loved this episode but want support applying it?

Explore our coaching programs designed for women leaders in tech.

Executive Coach Toni Collis

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